I Got It!!!!!

I got the apartment! Woooohoooo! I am so stoked! I won't have to deal with my cranky neighbors anymore! I will be moving in on the 15th of March which is gonna be a Tuesday. I think D will be in Tennessee that week but it's okay coz I planned to hire movers anyway. I have some heavy stuff like my couch, the loveseat, my computer desk and my TV so I thought it would be better to just hire a mover.

I am so excited and yet I am also nervous. I feel like I am on the verge of having second thoughts about moving out of this wonderful apartment in Montclair. But when I think of my neighbor downstairs, it makes me wanna move ASAP.

So now that I got the new apartment, I wrote my landlord a nice and sweet termination of lease letter. I hate saying goodbye especially because she's been a wonderful landlord but hey, people move on and life goes on. I left it in her mailbox and hopefully she'll get it by tomorrow.

I also wrote a nice and sweet response to my neighbor's note he stuck on my front door. This is what my note said:

"Dear Neighbor:

Here is my suggestion. Maybe you should move your bed to the front room. Or better yet, use ear plugs! Obviously, you are not cut out for apartment living!

Your Neighbor,
:)"

I also put my note (written in red pen) in his mailbox. And hopefully he will get it tonight. Maybe it will make him sleep better. Hahaha.

Apartment Hunting

I spent almost the whole day today looking for an apartment. I found a few places I kinda like around the Piedmont Avenue area but I also tried to look around Lake Merritt area. Lake Merritt is a nice area, a jogger's paradise and this is where they held last year's Olympic trials for the US Rowing Team. But for some crazy reason, the apartments I checked out, 2 blocks from the lake are just plain nasty. One apartment smelled like pee and the hallways smelled like the streets of Tenderloin in San Francisco. All that for $895 plus $50 for parking. Hell, no.

I was ready to settle for the apartment I saw yesterday for $850, parking included when I decided to browse Craigslist apartments one more time and found one around the Piedmont area that sounded awesome. So I thought I should go check it out before getting a $300 money order as a deposit for the apartment I saw yesterday. I wanted some sort of a confirmation that yes, I am making the right decision. So I thought checking out one more apartment will serve as the confirmation if I end up not liking it.

The apartment manager opened the door for me at around 5 p.m. The apartment is onthe first floor and oh my God, as soon as she let me in to the apartment, I totally fell in love with it. I knew right there and then that I wanted that apartment. I walked through the kitchen into the living room and I can imagine myself enjoying this place. Now, don't ask me how much is it. I think I deserve something like it. So I filled out an application form, went home and grabbed 3 pay stubs and paid $25 for a credit check. The manager said she will give me a call back tomorrow to let me know whether I got the apartment or not.

I am so stoked. But at the same time kind of nervous that I did something so hasty. But I guess it was my instinct working. I almost went for that $825 apartment, which is an okay place but the last apartment I looked at was supposed to be a confirmation that I should go for it. But it turned out to be the opposite.

So we'll see if my credit history is good enough for me to get this apartment. Aaaah, I can't wait to get away from my nasty neighbors!

Old, Cranky Neighbors

I dropped my mother off over at Uncle Peter's today in Milpitas. It's about an hour drive away from my place. They are hosting a welcome lunch sort of thing for my mom. It's been years, probably like 25 years since they saw my mom last and they all wanna do some catching up. Auntie Ebing will be there and a few other Filipino friends.

Food, laughter, stories. Yeah, it was fun, sort of. And like the way D puts it, the PS sometimes is longer than the letter. Hehehe.

Earlier I went and checked out this apartment around the Piedmont Ave. area. It was a decent One-Bedroom apartment. I liked it but not enough to apply for it right away. I was sort of having second thoughts about moving. So I told the apartment manager that I would sleep on it overnight and I will go back tomorrow to turn in my application form and a $300 deposit.

When I got home tonight, there was a note stuck on my front door. My downstairs neighbor left it there. The note said:

"It would be nice if you could move your computer chair to the front room. That way we could sleep alot better."

Somethin like that. The note got me so furious. I have told them already that I do not roll around with my computer chair. And besides, my landlord already installed a rug in my bedroom to minimize the noise. I also told them that, no, it is not my office chair that was making the noise. It's the closet door's wheels! But they still don't understand! Damn, what a pair a pair of old, cranky people who are so unsatisfied about life.

That note was my confirmation that yeah, I need to move. I can't be living in a place where my neighbors think they have a right to tell me how to arrange my furniture. I can't wait to find the perfect place!

Maggi na Payless (hehehe)

D wasn't feeling very good tonight. He has a fever but still, he came to spend time with me. I was feeling a little guilty about it, coz I know he needs to rest and has to go to work tomorrow. But he said spending time with me made him feel a little better so I guess I shouldn't feel bad. I just hope that he'll feel better soon.

Earlier, D and I were trying to decide where to eat when he said we can just cook something at home. I really didn't have anything but he said if I had "Maggi" then he can make his own version of stir-fried noodles. I started cracking up when he said "Maggi." I was so amused because that is what we call top ramen back home! So there I was, talking to a guy who basically spent most of his early years in Asia and in a boarding school in London and he used the "Maggi" to refer to noodles.

When I was a kid, I remember going to the neighborhood store and asking the "tindera" (vendor) to sell me Maggi - even if it's "Payless." My mother used to asked me or my cousins to go buy Maggi for breakfast. I don't know, for some reason, when D said Maggi, it hit a soft spot in my heart and it made me feel closer to home.

Well, we didn't eat "Maggi." We ended up going to a Chinese Restaurant on Piedmont Ave. D ordered Hot and Sour Soup, House Fried Rice and Sczechuan Chicken and I had Prawns and Vegetables.

Okay, I'm off to my TIVO now. Gotta watch my recorded shows and try to free up some space so I don't miss any of my fave shows.

Nighty night.

Ain't He Sweet

He sang this song for me at his latest gig...

Nothing On But The Radio
Gary Allan

I sure do hope this is a long night
Cause I have never felt one so right
Each look into your eyes, I'm falling
A little more and more
Looks like we started us a fire
Wrapped up in flames of desire
With every touch, they're burning higher
Two shadows dancing on the wall

With nothing on but the radio
Feel the music playing soft and slow
You and me and the lights down low
With nothing on but the radio

We'll fall asleep here in the moonlight
In tangled sheets, we'll be here all night
And when we wake up in the morning
We might stay like this all day
Two people meant to be together
Two lovers dreaming of forever
And it just keeps on getting better
With every tender little kiss

Nothing on but the radio
Feel the music playing soft and slow
You and me and the lights down low
With nothing on but the radio

Two people meant to be together
Two lovers dreaming of forever
And it just keeps on getting better
With nothing on but the radio
Feel the music playing soft and slow
You and me and the lights down low
With nothing on but the radio

You and me and the lights down low
With nothing on but the radio

Thanks, D. I love it :)

Finally...

Took my mother to Lake Tahoe today. It's her first time to see snow. :) She was lucky enough to see it falling too! We also stopped by the State Capitol on our way back to my cousin's house.

Half-day Friday

I took a half-day off today so I can show my mom around the City. We went to the usual San Francisco tourist spots: Golden Gate Bridge, Palace of Fine Arts, Twin Peaks, etc. She's really impressed on how clean the streets are and she was amazed that there were no street vendors like they do in Manila. But I just smiled, coz 3 weeks from now, I will be taking her to the inner city where the urban poor, street people and street vendors are. She will smell the stench of the homeless and I can guarantee, that smell will always be imbedded in memory. And hopefully, it will fill her soul with the same compassion I felt when I walked the streets of the homeless.

Mom's 2nd Day

I took a half-day off today and took my mother shopping. We bought some new and warm clothes for her. Got her some new walking shoes and ate lunch by the bay. Later we went to Treasure Island and enjoyed the view of the city (San Francisco) from there. We also cruised around San Francisco a little bit then had the best ice cream at Fenton's on our way home.

She said she really likes the trees around and I was thinking, "mother, wait til you see the Red Woods, and Yosemite and Lassen." She's barely seen anything yet and she's already amazed. I'll probably take her up to Tahoe this weekend so she get to experience snow for the first time.

I got to talk to D for about an hour and I'm happy to hear that his first gig went really great and he's having fun. I love it that he calls me everytime he's away and tells me about his day. I really enjoy every minute of it. Thanks D. You're so wonderful. :)

Okay, it's getting late. I gotta do some catch up on my TIVO stuff. Oh, I did try to call the Tobacco Control Division but my call went to voicemail. So I'll try again tomorrow.

Later.

Mom's Arrival

It was pouring outside when I went to the airport to pick up my mom. Then I had to wait for almost 2 hours for her to finally get out of customs and immigrations. Finally we got out of the lobby, got in the elevator and this stupid guy did not fuckin hold the elevator door for me so my jacket was caught in between when it closed while I was trying to pull my mom's cart of the elevator. I was so pissed! We had to go back up all the way to the 8th floor all the way down again to the ground floor where I was parked.

Anyway, we got home, unpacked and she started calling friends. I started unpacking all the "pasalubong." And why in the world would my friends from the Philippines send me all my favorite sweets? Yes, it was very nice and sweet gesture. But I am on a DIET! I can't eat any of it. But I have to confess, I'm almost down to my last Quickmelt Ensaymada.

I didn't get a chance to show my mom around just yet because it was pretty late when we got home but we'll probably do something tomorrow. We'll see how it goes. Oh but we went to a Korean Restaurant and it made me mad that they allow people to smoke in there! I was furious. So I had to tell the guy that it has to stop because it is the law. People cannot smoke in there! He was apologetic but I told him that his spology means nothing. They have to abide by the law.

First thing tomorrow I am calling the County Public Health Department Tobacco Control Division and report a violation.

The Best Day Of My Life

It all ended today. The crying ceased, restlessness all gone, confusion vanished into thin air.

Today, I am more secure than I ever have in the past. He made this day the best day of my life.

Ready For Love

"Ready For Love"
by India Arie

I am ready for love
Why are you hiding from me
I'd quickly give my freedom
To be held in your captivity

I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace
Lately I've been thinking
Maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you thinkI need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for
Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow
I'll say the same thing

I am ready for love
Would you please lend me your ear?
I promise I won't complain
I just need you to acknowledge I am here

If you give me half a chance
I'll prove this to you
I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respect's the spirit world
And thinks with his heart

I am ready for love
If you'll take me in your hands
I will learn what you teach
And do the best that I can

I am ready for love
Here with a offering of
My voice
My Eyes
My soul
My mind

Tell me what is enough
To prove I am ready for love

I am ready

My Crying Shoulder

Bing, I'm sorry for waking you up in the middle of your sleep. I was aware it was midnight in the Philippines when I called. But we've been best friends forever and I knew you wouldn't mind. Thanks for being my crying shoulder. Thanks for letting me pour out my heart until your cellphone's battery beeped and I knew it was time for me to go. Thanks for being there for me though you were thousands of miles away. Thanks for being that same old friend I always knew.

I remember how we used to play "pretend." Pretend we were this and that. Those were happy times. From Nancy Drews to Perry Masons. Don't you wish we could play the same games we used to play? Pretend that everything is okay. Pretend that we were someone else and see life in a different way. But we've grown. We no longer watch the same movies we used to watch. We've grown from girls who dreamed of their knight in shining armor to women who cried because he rode away into the horizon.

We've certainly grown - from being little 4-year old kids playing among banana trunks to women who cry because life had been unfair. We've changed, we've grown yet we remain the same two hearts, two little hearts who knew from the start that we'll be there for each other no matter what. You are one of life's biggest and most wonderful blessings.

Sore Saturday

I am so sore today! I enrolled back into a boxing class and last night was my first class. Damn, it felt so good to put my hand wraps again, slip my gloves on and hit some punches. It's a tough workout, the drills are hard but I've always had fun boxing. The class was small and the instructor was as good (if not better) than my previous one. After 2 long years of not attending a class, this felt way too damn good.

I'm gonna go for a jog after this and then go to SportMart and check out punching bags and see if I can afford one when I get my paycheck. I've been sort of broke lately. I have been trying to pay off my credit card debts like crazy and plus my mom is coming over and I had to set aside a little amount so I can at least take care of her while she's around. But yeah, money has been tight lately, savings acount almost drained to the last penny last year, and I'm getting way less on my paycheck now because I am paying higher taxes as a single woman.

There are times I think I picked the wrong career but when I think about it, this is what I really wanted. This was, is and will always be my passion. Helping people and making a difference. I could have taken a second job to supplement my income but no, I decided to volunteer at a HUman Rights Organization. It's not about the money. It's about my passion. And even if someday I finally become a lawyer, I don't think I will ever stray away from my passion of public service.

Sometimes, it's kind of depressing when I look at my bank statement and see how much money left on my savings account but then I take an inventory of my life and thank God that I am breathing, that I am healthy and I have friends and family that love me. Sometimes, I get so worried about my finances but I just keep on reminding myself that money is not all that counts in life. Yes, money does make life a little easier but money does not spell happiness.

Right now, I'm just hoping I'd have enough money left for a punching bag after I pay all my bills on the 15th.

I Realized Life Is Too Short

so I decided to live like I was dying. Celebrate life's little blessings and consider each heartache as stepping stones to a better "Me."

I can't let life's shit rule my life. I gotta live. I gotta live like every breath is my last.

Live Like You Were Dying
by Tim McGraw

He said I was in my early forties
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next days
looking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options
and talking bout sweet time
I asked him when it sank in
that this might really be the real end
how's it hit you when you get that kinda news
man what'd you do

and he said
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I?d been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

He said I was finally the husband
that most the time I wasn't
and I became a friend a friend would like to have
and all the sudden going fishin
wasn't such an imposition
and I went three times that year I lost my dad
well I finally read the good book
and I took a good long hard look
at what I'd do if I could do it all again
and then

I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I?d been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

Like tomorrow was a gift and you got eternity to think about
what'd you do with it what did you do with it
what did I do with it
what would I do with it?

Sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I watched an eagle as it was flying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying

Things I Am Thankful For

• I am thankful for the hot water in the shower this morning.
• Thankful for a car that gets me to work and back Monday to Friday.
• For the sunshiney day - the bay is looking great, the Golden Gate Bridge looking so red
• For the man in a convertible Mercedes Benz who let me into the Fastrak lane this morning.
• I am thankful that my boss won't be around until Monday (good breather - hehe)
• Thankful for my mom who's arriving on Tuesday evening
• Thankful for old friends who never change
• For low-carb chocolate energy bar when I needed my fix :)
• and a lot more......

I should be doing this everyday. From now on, when I wake up, I'll start counting my blessings. Life is too short to spend it fretting about negative things.

I Need To Be...

I need to be in the arms of an angel, right now... when everything is blurry.

None of my friends are online, every phonecall went to voicemail. Dammit. Just when I needed to vent, when I needed to cry, just when I needed somebody to tell it to my face that I need to forgive myself, there's no one around. Nope, not one.

Maybe I should just lay on my bed and lull myself to sleep. Who knows, I might get lucky and wake up in the arms of an angel.

In The Arms of An Angel

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an Angel fly away from here
From this dark, cold room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of an Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

by Sara McLachlan

Isang Kuwit Lamang (Nothing But A Comma)

I tried my best to translate my Tagalog entry below. I just felt like I was unable to capture the intensity of it in English but here it is anyway.

Sometimes I need to tuck myself away behind letters connected with tears falling like a late-afternoon rain. At times I need to hide our feelings within a melody to drown the sound of stifled sobs that I try so hard to hide.

And most of the time life is like a riddle. When I know the answer everything is fine. But sometimes this riddle is like a thorn that bothers my thoughts and inner being in perplexity.

And then sometimes life is just a question. But lately, my life is nothing but a comma. And I am just waiting for what comes after, tomorrow, the next day , I don't know.

For now, my life is nothing but a comma...

Life's Simple Pleasure

I just got back from an hour jog around Montclair Village and on the picture are stems I picked from a tree on my way back to my place.

Don't they look so pretty with my table-top fountain that D got me for my birthday?

These are my life's little pleasures. I just spent about ten minutes listening to the soothing sound of the flowing water and admiring the peaceful beauty of the flowers.

And they all seemed to have wiped away all my cares of today.

Thank you God for life's little pleasures.

Isang Kuwit Lamang

Minsan kailangang magtago sa likod ng mga titik na pinagdurugtong ng mga luhang unti-unting pumapatak na parang ulan sa dapit-hapon. Minsa'y nais kong itago ang aking damdamin sa gitna ng isang himig upang di marinig ng kahit sino ang hikbi na pilit kong itinatago.

Kadalasan ang aking buhay ay parang isang bugtong. Minsan ay nakakaaliw kung alam ko ang sagot. Ngunit kadalasan ang bugtong na ito ay parang isang tinik na gumugulo sa aking diwa at kaluluwa.

Minsan ang buhay ay isang tanong. Ngunit kamakailan lamang ang aking buhay ay naging isang kuwit na lamang. At aking hinihintay ang karugtong, bukas, sa makalawa, hindi ko alam.

Sa ngayon ang buhay ko'y isang kuwit lamang.

*will be translated in English soon. Bing, care to help me translate it in English? :)

Somebody Hates Valentine's Day

I came accross a Yahoo Greeting the other day and apparently, somebody hates Valentine's Day. I bet the person who wrote it is bitter about life because her prince charming's been elusive. She must not know what true love is all about. She must have wrote it in jealousy - because she knows that there is a girl out there who's so happy and content because she met her soulmate, her prince, without kissing a thousand frogs.

I don't hate Valentine's Day. Well, I have to admit, I USED to hate red roses and Valentine's Day. I hated it because I had no one to celebrate it with. I used to drive around the city on Valentine's Day and hating every red light because everytime I stopped, I would see flower vendors, selling red roses and heart-shaped balloons. I used to feel jealous, seeing couples, holding hands, looking happy and content on Valentine's Day. I hated it because I had no one.

But now that I've found him, or I should say, now that we found each other, everyday became Valentine's Day. I no longer dread the day of hearts like the way I used to when I didn't have anybody. I don't have to whisper secret chants on Valentine's Eve anymore, hoping and wishing that someone would ask me to be their Valentine. I no longer care for heart-shaped balloons and red roses. I found my Valentine and that's all that matters to me on Valentine's Day and always...

..Because the moment he first looked into my eyes, my heart knew that my wish has finally come true. From the very start I was already sure, we were gonna be each other's Valentine.


*****^^^*****

Anyway, I'm posting this here coz I thought it was sort of funny. Read on...

I Hate Valentine's Day!

Who invented this crappy holiday anyway? Probably some love-crazed loser with nothin' better to do!

I mean its like some freakin heart-shaped nightmare... candy hearts and baloon hearts there... pink and red hearts, I hate hearts!

And this cupid guy! I wanna beat the crap outta that little weirdo flying around like some giant gnat in a loin cloth taking pot shots at people with his arrows! What if people dont wanna be in love? I mean what does this creep think?

Im about to puke here, puking over here, God this holiday makes me sick!

Well anyway have a Nice February 14th. (But not Happy Valentine's Day . I hate Valentine's Day!)

Last Night's Dream

Last night I dreamt that I was in a hospital bed, giving birth. I saw the nurses and my physician asking me to push and then suddenly, the baby came out and I felt so relieved. I saw them cut the umbilical cord and I was so scared that my belly won't look good after they cut it.

I thought it was wierd for me to dream about giving birth. I do not dream of becoming a mother any time soon so this dream took me by surprise.

So I consulted a dream interpretation website. Okay, this is kinda silly but I did anyway. For fun. And here's what the dream interpreter has to say:

"To dream of giving birth, suggests that you are giving birth to a new idea or project. It also represents a new attitude, fresh beginnings or a major upcoming event. Alternatively, the dream may be calling attention to your inner child and the potential for you to grow."

Not a bad interpretation, eh? It sounds about right for me. Last night before I dozed off, I was thinking, wishing that I would just grow up and mature so I can handle life's punches in the wisest way possible. But I guess growing up is a process. It's not a phase I can just jump to. And I'm finding that growth sometimes is a painful process. Just like giving birth I guess.

I am at a phase right now where I just wanna be wiser about things so I don't screw anything up. I have been acting childish about some things, getting distraught and letting myself suffer unnecessary stress and I sit here wishing there's some miracle concoction I could drink so I can be grown up and mature instantly and not have to worry about silly and mundane things.

I wish there was a miracle concoction. I wish growth was a quick process but it's not. So I guess I'll just sit here and wait knowing that someday I will blossom into a mature, grown-up woman who's been through the exciting and at times painful process of growth and maturity.

Quote for The Day

"Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated; you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps." - David Lloyd George