Nervous As Hell

I'm impatiently waiting for my biopsy result. Part of me wants to know right now. But somehow I feel like a lil bit of stalling would actually do me good. I'm not really sure but yeah, I'm nervous as hell. I am praying it's nothing but a piece of fibrous tissue that can easily be taken out. If not, well, I guess I'll just have to cross that bridge when I get there.

I'm sure things do happen for a reason. That nothing is ever a coincidence. That yeah, every moment planned or not, intended or not, they're all part of a grand masterplan. So whatever the result will be, I will not sit it out. I won't sulk in one corner and act like I'm a victim. I will be who I am now. One strong-willed woman.

But I'm still nervous though. And a time like this pushes me to do an inventory of my life: things I've done and things I've always wanted to do but never had the time or the guts to do it (e.g. like getting a tattoo), people I've somehow helped, heartbreaks and happy memories, places I've been and places I still wanna visit (top on my list is Peru), people I've wronged and people I need to forgive. Somehow, times like this makes me more reflective about life and about things that really matter.

So what really matters?

Right now, all that matters to me is the bouquet of roses sitting on my desk at work - an early birthday present that my boss gave me. She walked into the office earlier this morning and handed to me the most fragrant bouquet in a vase I've ever had. And the sweetest thing about it is that it came right from her garden! I wish I had my camera with me so I could have snapped a picture of it. But yeah, it was really lovely. And it was so thoughtful of my her. She also promised to take me out for lunch on my birthday. :)

The flowers came at the right time when I was feeling nervous and anxious about my biopsy result. They brightened my day and made everything seem a little better.

So what else matters....

A mother's voice, an old friend's laughter, a touching note from a childhood friend written on a recycled paper, the joy of finished projects like scrapbooks and babyshower favors...

Life is good indeed... although sometimes, it can be like a fucking crazy roller coaster ride.