Mystery of What Lies Ahead

I’m scared. I wish someone would hold me right now, right this second to tell me everything will be fine. Someone who would tell me, “No, it’s probably not gonna be cancer.” I just need to hear it; to calm me down coz self-talk isn’t working for me right now.

I went straight to the bathroom when I got to work from an early appointment with my gynecologist. I had to wash my face, take some deep breaths, and put some face powder on to hide dried tears and the fear that’s overwhelming me. It’s going to be a rough day for me at work for sure and this is the last thing I would wanna have in mind.

My doctor found an abnormal growth in my uterus. So she did a Pap smear although I wasn’t due for one yet, not until next year. Just hearing her say growth made me nervous and anxious about what lies ahead. “We need to do a biopsy,” I heard her say. I wanted to cry right there and then coz I was so scared. I’m not used to hearing things like that – not from a doctor.

She inserted a speculum that was rather uncomfortable but she said that was normal. I could hear her grabbing some piece of metal, probably forceps or something and it made me feel like I was going to faint. I felt her scraping and tugging something inside. And to my relief, after about 3 minutes, she said she was done.

She showed me a bottle of liquid with some foreign red matter floating in it. Apparently, it was something she took from the abnormal growth inside to be submitted tothe lab to find out whether it’s benign or cancerous.

My doctor did not offer any words of consolation nor false hopes. She just said she’d call me in a week or so when she gets the results back. Either way, she said I might have to get surgery to remove the growth.

She might call a week from now. And a week from now will be my 29th birthday. On my birthday, I might find out whether I am going to get a sort of a second shot at life or if I’m starting to walk down the path to a slow death.

On my 29th birthday…