I Lost A Love

but I didn't. Even after hearing the words "move on" and succumbing to them (I had no choice), I feel it in my heart as if I did not lose him at all.

After pouring my soul out to D tonight I feel as if nothing has changed. And I don't think they did. I know he loves me, I know he does. He did. And he still does. I'm pretty sure about that. I'm sure it was a torture for him to listen to me cry like that. I'm sorry D. I know you understand though. At that moment, I felt like I was slowly getting sucked into a tunnel and something was horribly sucking the life out of me.

But after 2 hours of talking to D, I realized I wasn't in that dark tunnel anymore. Yes, I think at that moment I was dying. But they say that when some people die, they go toward the light. They get attracted to this bright light. And I think that's what happened to me tonight.

I died. But right when I thought I am in an endless tunnel, I saw a bright light and I went towards it. There was no choice. THe light was so bright that I can't help but be drawn to it. And I know this light will guide me and help me be the person that I am supposed to be.

I may be hurting right now but in my heart it is calm. It's ironic and I even find it hard to explain the way I feel. Heck I am still sobbing, but in my heart I feel a sense of peace and calm that exceeds all understanding.

I don't know how and why I feel this way but I just know in my heart, and I feel it in my heart like I have not lost him at all.

I have loved him fiercely and poured my heart and soul like I never have. And I have no regrets. And just like that Trisha Yearwood song goes:

"If If I'd've known the way that this would end
If I'd've read the last page first
If I'd've had the strength to walk away
If I'd've known how this would hurt

I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I'd've loved you anyway"

Yes, I would've loved you anyway D...