Off Today

I am taking another day off today.

I am sick. I haven't had a decent meal since Tuesday and I don't have the appetite to eat. I wanna eat but my tummy refuses to take in anything. I feel tired. I am thinking of going to the doctor but then I don't think I am sick enough for them to take me in.

I think I am just gonna spend the whole day reading my favorite book "The Alchemist" and reflect on life, maybe take a step back and look at where I've been, the things that happened and why they happened and what's out there in store for me. I've always loved this book and have read it quite a few times. Everytime there are things in my life that I don't quite understand, I go back to that book to be reminded that I am moving towards my treasure no matter how many detours I am forced to take.

And even as I am writing this entry right now, I am already reminded that life is a journey and that at the end my treasure is waiting. But I have to believe in it and the signs I see along the way. I cannot lose hope. Not now. Not when I started believing in "happily ever afters" again. Not now - because I do not and will never regret loving D unconditionally and without reservations. No, I can't afford to lose hope. I gave love my everything this time around. I thought, "Why not. Why shouldn't I? Love is grand." And it was grand. It still is. Even if I am in tears as I am writing this.

I've had my share of broken hearts and betrayals in the past. And I always told myself never to let my heart fall into the same old trap again. I didn't wanna love again. But I did. I may be hurting right now, but honestly, I don't have any regrets. Loving D was the best time of my life. Never have I ever loved anyone the way I loved him. I poured my heart and soul to him and loved him with everything I got.

I may be hurting right now but I know that growth sometimes is a very painful process. And I'm sure that hurting inside at this moment will make me stronger... it will make me more complete.