Rant

I'm now feeling extremely jealous of my cousin who just got engaged. Yep, she has a diamond ring on her finger now. But that's not what I'm jealous of. I'm jealous that she's found the love of her life and she's all giddy about it.

I've found the love of my life too. But we're nowhere close to that engagement thingy.

I guess I'm jealous, coz my marriage was a failure and now I am part of the statistics of divorced women. I thought I wouldn't care about marriage anymore, thankful that I went through marriage and divorce at a young age. I thought I am done with this stupid relationship love contract shit. I thought I was jaded. But i guess I'm not.

I guess I still believe in "growing old together" and "happily ever after's." Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for her. But the feeling of jealousy is overpowering me. Not that I wanna get engaged too. No. I don't want too, not right now.

I'm not even sure what I am talking about here. Coz I thought I was fiercely independent and could care less whether I have a man in my life or not. But I guess I do care.

I guess I'm just afraid to accept the fact that yep, grass is always greener on the other side. I remember when I was married, I abhored it so much and I always thought it would be so much fun to be single again. I remember getting jealous of my single friends and wanting to be like them again.

Now that I am one of the single crew again, (technically single at least - coz I do have a boyfriend), I feel like my cousin is so much luckier because she just got engaged and getting married in three months.

Oh my. What gives.

More if this rant later. I'm at work and this is starting to get really, really frustrating.