Drifting Away
Tomorrow I am going to my friend’s wedding in San Francisco. I will be a witness to their vows, vows I have ceased to believe in.
Right now, the love of my life is in San Francisco, at the International Airport, to be exact. He is dropping off his princess daughter to meet up with her mother. They are going to India for a month. At this moment, he could be talking to her, her daughter’s mother. Her, who he shared his DNA with. At this moment, he could be giving her a hug, you know the friendly ones you give and get too often sometimes. But it could be, that at this moment, his heart is beating faster than usual because he is standing face to face with the woman he used to love. IT could be that they are falling in love all over again, and their little princess daughter, standing on the side, looking up at them, smiling as they gaze in each other eyes.
At this moment, I am sitting here typing away my thoughts. I have to because these thoughts are toxic but not toxic enough to kill me yet potent enough to keep me awake all night. I am going to a wedding tomorrow and I can’t afford to stay up all night wallowing in poisonous thoughts such as the ones I have at the moment.
At this moment, I am staring at my cellphone and my house phone wishing either would ring so I could hear his voice. I am wishing he would call and assure me that everything will be alright. That tomorrow when I wake up, he will be there and we will fall in love all over again.
Hell, at this moment, I am tormented by demons. Demons of doubts and suffering. Demons that I have long exorcised.
At this moment I need to make a decision.
And as I am typing away, I did. I decided, that at this moment, all that matters is the Tylenol nights in front of me. Gotta take them, turn my radio on so it would lull me to sleep. I need something to chase these demons of doubts away. Right now, at this moment, he must be headed back home.
But at this moment, I am too tired to doubt and I am too tired to trust. For once, I will let myself drift.
Yes, for once, I am drifting.
Dum dum da da da dum. Lalala Drifitng away….
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