Knowing What I Really Want

I had to deal with a difficult case first thing this morning. Again, due to the nature of my job, I cannot discuss in details what transpired but it was some heavy stuff between 2 of my clients. If you asked me if I know two people who are at the end of their ropes, these 2 clients are the perfect example.

So I talked to them, did some listening and counseling and all the stuff that I do as a social worker. After our session ended I was already exhausted. I sat on my desk contemplating about my career choice as I sipped a cup of stale coffee from the office coffeemaker. I did not enjoy that session. It was intense and it left me with a pounding headache. I used to enjoy doing one-on-one sessions, serving children, families and individuals and helping them overcome homelessness, unplanned pregnancy, family problems, unemployment and other crisis affecting them as individuals. I used to look forward to listening to them rant about their lives and their problems. But after my morning session, I just felt so drained. I felt like I need a break from this profession.

I am planning to get my Masters Degree next school year. Actually, I planned to go to Law School but I decided it is best for me to get my Masters Degree first which will serve as a trial run before Law School. I wanted to enroll in a Master in Social Work (MSW) program but after todays event, I am seriously reconsidering my options. I was also thinking maybe I should just enroll in an MPA/MPP Program (Master in Public Administration/Policy). At least I wouldn't be doing direct practice anymore. I would be indirectly serving the people and if I get lucky maybe get a chance to practice Public Administration in the macro level.

Then I thought, maybe I should just get a real estate license and start selling houses for a living. Lease a nice car, maybe a Mercedes so I have a nice car to take my clients around. Start wearing nicer clothes, put make-up on, flash a big smile and learn the ins and outs of real estate. Who knows, I might get lucky racking up commissions and in a few years I would be able to afford my first home.

But what about my passion of making a difference? What about my first love of helping people? Maybe I just need a new work environment. Maybe I'm just tired of the politics of my current work. Maybe I just need a breather.

Maybe I should start working on my resume and explore what's out there. I might be forced to take a big pay cut but if that's what it takes to make me happy about my career again, I will gladly do it.