The Life I Was Meant To Live

Back to Nature

2007-08-09T11:00:00.002-07:00

School's over. I can finally sit down and relax, away from all the clutter of my desk. I can finally breathe. I am going camping soon, up in the Easter Sierras! No cellphone ringing, no wifi signals, no TV, no radio. Just me and the sound of a crackling campfire and the sweet melody of chirping birds to wake me up in the morning.

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This is a photo of Mono Lake (long exposure at at dusk). Mono Lake in the Eastern Sierras is a vital habitat for millions of migratory and nesting birds (about 300 species).

Fun Saturday

2007-07-29T11:44:00.000-07:00

Z and I strapped our bikes to the car and went biking in San Francisco. We only biked around 11 miles at Golden Gate Park, exploring small trails and main roads then stopped at a little cafe on Irving for a nice afternoon snack. It was beautiful day, a little foggy at first but it burned off. I just wish we rode more - I enjoy pumping my leg muscles this way and it's a great cardio exercise.

Golden Gate Park is such a bike-friendly park and lots of green grass to sit on and rest whenever you need to. Our last stop was the Shakespeare Garden which is rarely ever crowded unless there is a wedding ceremony. And just like the last time I was there, it was empty. We had the garden to ourselves and it was so nice to take my helmet off and lay on the grass to relax.

I am hoping we could log more miles this week. Need that exercise you know....

My First Long Weekend

2007-05-13T21:45:00.000-07:00

We're talking about a real long weekend. A weekend where I did nothing but fun stuff! I spent Wednesday night working on my research proposal and got a feedback from my Professor the next day saying I no longer need to edit anything because it's close to perfect and gave me an A+ for it. Thank god she responded on Thursday. I was able to enjoy a leisurely weekend.

Roda, Z and I went on a day drive to Glen Ellen up north in Sonoma and visited Jack London State Park. It was quite a nice walk through the woods all the way to the Wolfe House, built by the famous author Jack London. We also walked all the way up to where his ashes were scattered marked with a big rock. It was so quiet up there. So relaxing. There was nothing but the sound gentle sound of our footsteps on the trail and the occasional chirping of birds.

We drove back to Glen Ellen and stopped for some chocolate tasting. Hmmmm. I love the tiramisu cabernet the best. They were about $1.50 per piece which was a little steep. But they're so worth the money. On our way back, we went through Napa, sipped espresso and just enjoyed the day fading out.

Friday was spent doing chores at home and dinner with Z's parents. We took his mom out for mother's day. Per her request, we took her to a Chinese restaurant on Piedmont Ave. called Little Shin Shin. It was absolutely good! After dinner, we walked to Fentons for dessert. God, it was packed and loud in there but the ice cream was so good we couldn't complain. We spent some time in their boat docked in Alameda after dinner and looked at our Spain/Germany photos. They are planning on going on a 6-month Europe trip next year and they loved our suggestions on places to explore, things to do, places not to miss.

It was a wonderful family time. Saturday was also family time. Z and I took my mom on a drive to San Francisco, relaxed at the Golden Gate Park, sipped some tea at the Japanese garden and stopping by Sausalito for some afternoon coffee.

Today was bike ride day. My good friend Bolivs let me borrow his bike and had to test it out. So Z and I drove to Alameda and tested it on the trail by the bay. Man, the bike rides so fast! I'm hooked!!! I loved the wind against my face and the views were fantastic. Z couldn't even catch up to me with this Trek Hybrid bike.

Now, I'm back to reality. Gotta finish a few more papers and I'm done for this semester.

Muy Fantastico

2007-05-04T23:51:00.000-07:00

Z can't be restrained. He went ahead and bought a '07 Toyota Prius. No, I didn't really persuade him not to buy it because 1: the dealership gave us a great deal and second, it is such a damn great car. So after waiting for about 4 hours at the Toyota delearship, we drove away with the Prius.

It took a while for us to drive off the lot because they told us they didn't have the color that Z wanted and they wanted him to drive off with a black one. And when they finally relented, the magnetic charcoal car that Z wanted had a crooked license plate holder on the front. They also tried to scam him as the salesman tried his best to convince him that a crooked license plate holder can be easily fixed by either boring another hole on the bumper or replacing the whole bumper itself. I thought that was certainly ridiculous and so I put my foot down and said no, we are not getting a brand new car and then come back for the bumper to be replaced. It doesn't make sense at all!!!!

They also tried to scam him into checking his credit history although he walked in there intending to pay with a check issued by another lender. They told him it's the law!!!! When he was told this, he was actually thinking of walking away without the Prius. But it was sort of hard because of the great deal. So he asked them to pull out a proof that it is indeed the law. Ha! They couldn't come up with anything!

But we did get a great price in the end. $200 less than carsdirect price and $500 less than edmunds.com price. It came with all the great stuff - fog lights, heated mirrors, back-up camera, navigation system, a smart key (no more fumbling with keys - just walk up to it and it unlocks) and a lot more. No more key ignition either! Just press the power button and voila - it starts!!!! Plus we get 50-60 miles per gallon!!! Isn't that fantastic?

We've driven Prii a lot since Monday and yes, we are loving it!!!!!

:) Photos coming soon

Not So Typical Sunday

2007-04-29T20:41:00.001-07:00

Z and I were craving for some good breakfast and considered going to some good local places but I kinda wanted to go to Hometown Buffet instead. As we were leaving, his coworker called to tell him about a big accident that happened on the McArthur Maze, a major interchange in the East Bay. I immediately grabbed my camera since the accident was on our way. We drove down to the Ikea parking lot where we thought we are gonna get a good view of the accident. And yes, we sure did.

Apparently, a truck with gasoline tank took a turn too fast and hit the guardrail and all of a sudden it exploded. Temperatures reached more than 200 degrees and melted the steel supporting the ramp and next thing you know the structure fell into another ramp. The fire destroyed the whole truck and tank. It's a good thing it happened at around 3 am and miraculously, there were no other cars around. Even the truck driver escaped the accident although her walked away with second-degree burn.

While we were taking photos, a reported from the Tribune came and asked if she could interview us. I declined as I don't use that route and I take the train to commute to San Francisco. Z obliged and a few minutes ago we saw his name on the Tribune and of course, misquoted. Oh, well. I guess that's how media operate. According to CalTrans, around 75,000 cars go through that interchange everyday. So I'm sure tomorrow will be a big mess. Glad to know that BART are adding more trains and public transportation from the East Bay will be free including AC Transit and Ferry Service.

We also went shopping for a new car for Z. We test drove a Toyota Prius, a Hybrid Toyota Camry and a Hybrid Honda Civic. Z was looking for something that could help save gas and at the same time save the environment. And guess what, I loved the Prius the best. I fell in love with it and wanted to take it home tonight. Hehehe. But of course that's not the way it works. The Camry was so comfortable, beautifully engineered. And I would pick it over the Prius if not for the $30,000 sticker price. Who needs a leather seat?! The manager quoted us 25 grand on the Prius which is a really great deal with all the extras like Navigation and Smart Key System. It doesn't have the torque that the Camry had but man, I absolutely loved it. We went down to Honda immediately after after Toyota warned us that nothing could beat the Prius. And yes, they were right. The Hybrid civic sucked. We test drove it and it felt cramped. And for the price you pay for it, I think it's a rip off. The salesperson said price depends on the demand and could range from $24,995 to $28,995. I don't quite understand that kind of pricing but I think it's BS. And it didn't matter because we didn't like it at all. With that price, it doesn't even have a smart key system! Anyway, we were just shopping around. We'll see what happens next.

Of Spain and Other Things

2007-04-23T21:34:00.001-07:00

Finally, after months of waiting for a good movie I got to watch Volver which was totally awesome. I hate to spoil it for those who haven't seen it. So if you haven't, go rent it and let me know how much you liked it.

As for me, I really, really enjoyed it. It reminded me of my recent trip to Spain. It reminded me of the beautiful people and the amazing culture in that region. I wish I was able to blog when I was in Spain but there was so much to do and so little time. But yes, Spain is a wonderful country with great food, amazing architecture and an excellent transportation system so Z and I were able to get around without any trouble. I will be posting photos of my trip as soon as I have more time. I got a job as Research Assistant to one of my professors and I still have a few projects to finish but as soon as I'm done, I will be posting here on a more regular basis. Who knows? Maybe I'll even find the energy to explain my long hiatus from this blog.

So stay tuned. J

Things That Matter Most

2007-04-21T00:47:00.001-07:00

I spent the whole weekend and Monday at the State Capitol learning more about the legislative process and how appropriations work. It was definitely an eye opener for me, having the chance to understand Assembly Bills and Senate Bills and what they really mean for me and the population I work with.

We discussed the governor's proposal of $456 million dollar cut on CalWORKS in 2007-2008 and $566 million annually thereafter which will directly impact families and children. It looks like the governor is trying to balance the budget on the fragile backs of California's children. We say no to this budget cut because it is unfair. We say no because it will create great difficulties for low income families, especially children, who will be at risk of hunger and homelessness.

We also tackled the issue of homeless. Senate Bill 2, if passed, will mandate cities and/or counties to designate a space as shelters in their planning. I'm not really sure about this bill. I think it is shallow, temporary and palliative and doesn't really address the problem of homelessness.

One thing that I was passionate about was Universal Health Care for all Californians. The state of California is the 6^th largest economy in the world. We already spend about $180 billion dollars in health care and $20 billion is wasted over unnecessary administrative cost due to HMO's and what nots. Yes, $180 BILLION and many Californians are still without access to medical care. What are we thinking? Yes, we want health care. And we want it for everyone. Senate Bill 840 will allow every Californian to have access to health care. It won't be based on employment. Health care which is a basic right will be available to all. Universal Health Care will cut the unnecessary administrative cost, thus saving the state more money. In the long run, the state will save around $346 billion dollars in ten years because of the focus on preventive care and other cost saving measures.

Before leaving the capitol, we were able to meet with a few senators and members of the congress about these bills and how much their votes matter. We appealed to them in behalf of their constituents that would be impacted if they reject this bill.

It was an amazing experience just being there, learning all the tools on how to lobby for a bill that would impact me and other fellow constituents. Plus I got to spend some time with friends and colleagues in exploring Old Sacramento and touring them around the State Capitol.

Let's be proactive. Write to your senators and your local representatives. Tell them how Universal Health Care would benefit you and others. IF you voted for your senator, tell them so. Let them know that you voted for them and that you expect them to represent you and the people. You can email your local representatives using this easy form.

I am looking forward to that day when health care is available to every Californian. Young and old, working and non-working, students and professionals having access to doctors and medical care. Prop 63 happened. SB 840 can and will happen.

For more information about the Universal Health Care Bill (SB 840), visit www.onecarenow.org

Spaghetti Night - Pinoy Style!!!!!

2007-04-01T22:57:00.000-07:00

by Waves.

I was so stressed out for the past three days that I decided to just load up on carbs - Spaghetti Pinoy Style!!! I deserve this meal after eating healthy for the past month or so. I need a break :D

So here's how I made this for those who are interested in making their own Pinoy Style Ispageti.

I sliced 4 Filipino Style Hotdog and fried them in olive oil. In a separate saucepan I sauteed garlic and onions and about half a pound of ground beef. I added fried hotdog, 2 bottles of Banana Ketchup, small can of Tomato sauce and half a cup of water. I added a dash of salt and pepper and let it boil and then simmer for about 10 minutes. After the sauce thickened a little bit, I added 1 small can of tomato paste and a tablespoon of sugar.

That's it! I added grated cheddar cheese on top. Just the way a traditional Pinoy would do it. :)

Yummy.

Back To My Books :(

2007-03-04T22:54:00.000-08:00

by Waves.

A few of my books waiting to be read - and a cuppa tea.

I'm Not Only Burried Under A Tall Stack of Books....

2007-03-03T10:47:00.000-08:00

I am also going crazy because I got a job two weeks ago as a graduate Research Assistant which I absolutely love. Yes, I do love it but with all the books I have to read, decisions to make about next year's internship, papers to write and my own research proposal to prepare for IRB, I am going absolutely insane.

So somebody help me decide...... these are the places that offered me an internship position next year. Yes, after going to numerous panel interviews, I finally got offers. So here we go...

UCSF doing Psychotherapy with adults exposed to violence
Kaiser Pediatrics (Psychotherapy with children and their family)
County Department in the East Bay doing Play Therapy, Sand Therapy and Family Therapy
County Department somewhere near the South Bay doing Psychotherapy with Youth

I have to make my decision by Monday. :(

Now I'm off to see Usapang Puki (The Vagina Monologues) at the Herbst Theater in San Francisco. My old college roommate is performing :)

2006-12-24T01:41:00.000-08:00

Roller Coaster

2006-12-14T23:26:00.000-08:00

My class met at a restaurant yesterday as sort of a Holiday celebration and as a celebration of such a wonderful group of graduate students. We were allowed to order alcoholic drinks so I did. I ordered their cheapest house margarita and guess what! I got ID'd. Not that big of a deal if your in your 20's but once you hit the big 30, that is a big deal. Trust me. It made my day.

What is up with this age thing? I was at a group supervision with some Psych students earlier today when one brought up the topic of cultural assimilation. She then asked me when did I move to the US. So I told her I moved to the US in 2000. And she made a comment that totally cracked me up. Here: "I wonder how it was for you to move to the US as a teenager!?" I stared at her and replied: "I moved here six years ago. I am 30 now so I was 24 then." And she was shocked. So were the other interns and our clinical supervisor. They all said I look so young for my age. Ooooooh, wasn't that music to my ears!!!!!

So yeah, I've been feeling good about this and the successfull, awesome, glitch-free powerpoint I made for class. One of my classmates actually said I could totally put together a module for a Powerpoint Training. I incorporated all the video clips etc. that we needed and what can I say, it turned out really good. So now I am bragging. :D

But yeah, life's a roller coaster. I am happy and next thing I know I'm almost on the red. Oh the life of a student. A... I... I don't know. I really don't know what to say. I am this close <--> to being broke. No, I've never been this broke my whole life. At least in the past, when I get this close to being flat broke, I knew I was getting a paycheck the next day or the coming week. But this time, there is no paycheck to expect, no lottery winnings, no trust fund. Nothing. Zilch. Absolutely nothing.

Am I freaked out? Of course I am!!!! Do I have a plan???? No, not really. I've been planning to turn in my application for a job at the General Hospital but I'm not really sure how that would play out with my internship schedule and once my classes start for Spring, it might get all fucked up. So no, I really don't know.

So this is Christmas. There's always a first right? So this is it for me. My first flat broke Christmas. And no, it doesn't feel good at all.

Thankful

2006-11-27T12:23:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for public universities that made graduate studies possible for me.
For a library system that acquires books when they are not available on the shelf.
For a laptop borrowing program in school where I can take em out for 4 hours within the school to do my powerpoint presentation in class.
For desktop computers in the library and for writely.com so I don't have to bring with me a CD or flash drive every time I work on my paper.
For the rain that makes the grass glisten when the sun comes out.
And the cool, crisp November air that gets me excited for Christmas.
Thankful for professors who inspire me to be the best that I can be
And thankful for my professors who challenge me with their unrealistic expectations - they are actually bringing out the best in me.
For flickr friends who amuse, teach and inspire me to take better photos.
I am thankful for a childhood friend who has been and will always be the sister I never had.
For a friend who knows me inside out and yet accepts me for who I am and who I am becoming.
For classmates who became my friends - because they understand the way I feel, and the tough times I am going through because of school and its demands, intellectually, financially and even emotionally.
And a family that will always be a haven when I need love and acceptance.
I am thankful for all the lessons learned, wounds healed and memories. They made me into who I am today.
And I am thankful for Luna, the best cat in the whole world. She warms my feet when I sleep at night and kisses me good morning as I wake up.
I am grateful for this wonderful life - no matter how bleak it looks sometimes, I am thankful for everyday reminders that it is a wonderful life - birds chirping, fog rolling in, a squirrel scurrying into the bushes, creamy chocolate ice cream and a slice of homemade tiramisu
I am thankful for everything that makes this life a wonderful one.

What Would It Take

2006-11-13T21:03:00.000-08:00

So what would it take for me to write again?

Maybe the rain will. Maybe I'll start writing again because I got home soaking wet from the pouring rain and I had no umbrella. It felt good to walk in the rain, at first but it got old real quick. I started shivering as my not-so-waterproof jacket started to cling to my skin. I cursed in silenced and so here I am, trying to stay warm, typing away again on my blog.

Maybe I'll start writing again, to talk about things that lost their significance in me, things that suddenly are coming to life again. Like racism, classism, sexism, etc. Isms that I've long dismissed because at one point I became hopeless. At one point I thought they are too huge for me and that i am too small to make any difference. So here I am, writing again.

Maybe all it takes is to be treated like crap at a store because of my skin color in the United States of America because I happen to be too brown for their taste. Maybe it takes a friend getting pulled over by a cop because her car registration is expired. And when the cop checked her license, it is also expired. And it just so happened that she didn't have a car insurance. But she got away with it. The cop let her drive the car without a license and without a car insurance. All because she is a light skinned woman. Talk about white privilege. I'm sure if my friend was an African-American man, the car would have been towed and he could have gotten a stiffer fine. But she was white.

Looks like it takes favoritism, inequality and maybe the poverty of a graduate student for me to start writing again.

So yeah, I am writing again.

Golden Gate Bridge

2006-11-09T22:27:00.000-08:00

"People suffer largely unnoticed while the rest of the world goes about its business..."

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"One-thousand, two-hundred eighteen dead. The lives of families devastated. Two dozen deaths filmed by Steel and his crew in 2004. They also taped more than 100 hours of interviews with friends, families and witnesses, who recount in sorrowful detail stories of struggles with depression, substance abuse and mental illness.

The result is a moving and unsettling film, The Bridge that cannot help but touch everyone in the Bay Area in one way or another, not least because it admittedly raises as many questions as it answers: about suicide, mental illness and civic responsibility..."

2006-11-06T08:41:00.000-08:00

We simply need that wild country available to us,

even if we never do more than drive to its edge and look in,

for it can be a means of reassuring ourselves of our sanity as creatures,

a part of the geography of hope.

~ Wallace Stegner ~

2006-11-04T20:54:00.000-08:00

There is always some madness in love.

But there is also always some reason in madness.

~ Friedrich Nietzsche ~

Lovers in Chinatown

2006-08-14T11:07:00.000-07:00

"'Twas not my lips you kissed, But my soul."

~Judy Garland~

2006-06-26T13:18:00.000-07:00

"Whenever I see couples kiss and make up,

watch romantic movies and hear love songs,

I smile and feel good because I know

love still works...

if not for me, at least for others."

~Ally McBeal~

Tombstone

2005-09-11T19:43:00.000-07:00

Done With "The Zahir"

2005-09-11T12:46:00.000-07:00

Wow. Although not as compelling as “The Alchemist", Paul Coelho’s new book “The Zahir”was thought- provoking, similar to “Eleven Minutes”, written by the same author. After reading its final page last night, I sat still on the couch, mulling over questions provoked by Coelho’s thoughts.

Thoughts about love, marriage, rules, taboos, happiness and life. I sat there and reviewed my life, my past personal history and how much of it was spent conforming to other people’s rules and standards. How I should love. Who I should love. How I should be loved. How long I should love. That marriage should be according to whatever our own religions taught us.

I wanna write more about the book and the stuff it made me think about, the feelings it stirred in me and the new learnings it brought to my heart. But I shall not do so. I know I have a few friends who might wanna read it too and I don’t wanna spoil it for them.

All I can say is that after reading the book, I decided that I shall let no one dictate me of how and who I should love, ignore the pressure of social norms and let go of my personal history for me to enjoy life today. I shall go and do things not because I read them in some stupid “Things To Do Before You Turn 30” kind of books but because I made my own list.

And when I grow old, I will be happy for I charted my own course and drew my own map.

And so my epitaph shall say:
Here lies a woman who lived and died without regrets…

Itunes + Phone?

2005-09-10T19:53:00.000-07:00

Should I seriously consider getting this new phone? My contract with T-mobile expired a while ago so maybe I should give this phone a test drive at the Cingular store. It's first phone in US to play Apple iTunes and holds up to 100 iTunes songs! It includes surround-sound stereo speakers and headset.
Hmmm.... Sounds good but... we'll see.

Too Soon

2005-09-09T16:22:00.000-07:00

Isn’t it too soon for overcast skies and cooler temps? Too soon for falling leaves and earlier sunsets. No, I’m not ready for Fall yet. I haven’t had enough with my Summer. I haven’t had enough of late sunsets, blue skies and the warmth of the midday sun. No, please, don’t go yet Summer. Stay for a while…

(I still have new running shorts to wear and cool tank tops I just bought. Hehehe.)

But I know you will go and nothing can stop you. You will leave me just like all the Summers in my past. They all left me, pining for more. But nevertheless, they all left me knowing that in less than a year, another Summer will come. Another Summer shall caress me with its warm days and beautiful sunsets. Another Summer that will always seem to be better than the last.

Oh Summer. Why do you have to be so fleeting? Why do you have to leave me dreading long winter nights and cold, rainy days? When will I learn to enjoy Winter just as much as I enjoy you? And when will I learn to embrace Fall just as much as I embrace you? What with its beautiful warm colors that soothes the heart that still grieving for Summer. Spring comes carrying bouquets of pretty flowers yet still not enough to cheer my heart that’s still longing for Summer.

Though I’m quite sad that you’re leaving this soon, I won’t cry. I will just rest inside my warm cocoon, content to just wait for another Summer to come.

So goodbye Summer. Go. Don’t hesitate now. No more of those tiny glimmer of false hopes peeking through dark winter clouds. And please don’t confuse me anymore with warm temps in early spring that last only for a moment.

Please, just go. And let me patiently wait for my next Summer to come. And when it does, your memory, too, will be long gone.

The New iPOD Nano

2005-09-08T10:33:00.000-07:00

The New iPod nano - everything you love about iPod... only smaller. Up to 1,000 songs.

Excerpt From My Fave Author

2005-09-07T17:00:00.000-07:00

from pp. 34-35 of Paul Coelho's book: "The Zahir"

“Some people appear to be happy, but they simply don’t give the matter much thought. Others make plans: I’m going to have a husband, a home, two children, a house in the country. As long as they’re busy doing that, they’re like bulls looking for the bullfighter: they react instinctively, they blunder on, with no idea where the target is. They get their car, sometimes they even get a Ferrari, and they think that’s the meaning of life, and they never question it. Yet their eyes betray the sadness that even they don’t know they carry in their soul…

“I don’t know if everyone is unhappy. I know they’re all busy: working overtime, worrying about theur children, their husband, their career, their degree, what they’re going to do tomorrow, what they need to buy, what they need to have in order not to feel inferior, etc. Very few people actually say to me: ‘I’m unhappy.’ Most say: ‘I’m fine, I’ve got everything I ever wanted.’ Then I ask: ‘What makes you happy?’ Answer: ‘I’ve got everything a person could possibly want – a family, a home, work, good health.’ Iask again: ‘Have you ever stopped to wonder if that’s all there is to life?’ Answer: ‘Yes, that’s all there is.’ I insist: ‘So the meaning of life is work, family, children who will grow up and leave you, a wife or husband who will become more like afriend than a real lover. And of course, one day your work will end too. What will you do when that happens?’

“…What they say is: ‘When the children have grown up, when my husband— or my wife— has become more my friend than my passionate lover, when I retire, then I’ll have time to do what I always wanted to do: travel.’ Question: ‘But didn’t you say you were happy now? Aren’t you already doing what you always wanted to do?’ Then they say they’re very busy and change the subject.

“If I insist, they always do come up with something they’re lacking. The businessman that hasn’t closed the deal he wanted, the housewife would like to have more independence and more money, the boy who’s in love is afraid of losing his girlfriend, the new graduate wonders if he chose his career or of it was chosen for him, the dentist wanted to be a singer, the singer wanted to be a politician, the politician wanted to be a writer, the writer wanted to be a farmer. And even when I did meet someone who was doing what he had chosen to do, the person’s soul was still in torment. He hadn’t found th peace yet either. So I’ll ask you again: ‘Are you happy?’”

Ako Ba Ang Malabo?

2005-09-02T12:09:00.000-07:00

Ang kulit talaga minsan!

Tumawag ako sa Lucky Money kanina para ifollow-up kung natanggap na ng tita ko yong pinadala kong pera kasi tinatawagan ko ang cellphone niya, eh, wala yatang load. Anyway….

Eto ang conversation ko sa taga Lucky Money:

Siya: Hello
Ako: Itatanong ko lang kung natanggap na ng recipient yong pinadala kong pera nong isang araw.
Siya: Kelan niyo po pinadala?
Ako: Noong August 30
Siya: Ok. Pero kailan niyo po pinadala.
Ako: August 30 nga
Siya: Oooh. August 30 nga pala.

Ang gulo! So binigay ko information like receipt number, recipient name, etc.

Siya: Nasa banko na po yong pera pero hindi naming malalaman kung pinik-up na yong pera. Pero ti-next na po yong recipient.
Ako: Yon nga yong problema ko, kaya kahapon pa ako tumwag sa inyo. Kasi wala na yatang cellphone yong pinadalhan ko ng pera.
Siya: Paano niyo alam na wala nang cellphone.
Ako: Eh kasi tumawag ako, eh wala yatang load, kasi cannot be reached.
Siya: Pero ti-next na po siya eh.
Ako: Baka hindi natanggap yong text kasi nga hindi yata nag-wowork yong cellphone.
Siya: Eh sabi niyo tumawag kayo. Paano niyo alam na wala na siyang cellphone.

By this time, sobrang iritado na ako! Gusto ko siyang murrain kasi hindi niya magets yong sinasabi ko. Pero naisip ko, baka naman ako ang malabo! No wonder bakit maraming relasyon na hindi nag-wo-workout. Mahirap pa ring makipag-communicate kahit pareho na kayo ng salitang ginagamit.

Ako: Kasi nga, (malumanay tinig ko – nagpipigil lang ako non) tumawag ako, eh hindi na nag-wowork yong telepono. Siguro walang load. Dahil don, baka hindi natanggap yong text na ipinadala ng bangko sa kaniya para pik-upin na niya yong pera. So ngayon, hindi niya alam na may pera palang nag-aantay sa banko. Anong paraan ang pwedeng gawin para masabihan siya.
Siya: Ay, mahirap po yon, kasi text lang talaga pwede. Sige, padalhan na lang po naming siya ng sulat.

Kamot ako sa ulo. Haaaaay. Makapag-lunch na nga lang.

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

2005-09-01T14:32:00.000-07:00

Got this email at work today so I'm posting it here just in case someone wants to take advantage of this opportunity...

Hi All,

ABC's hit reality show Extreme Makeover Home Edition is looking for API's to be a part of their program. This is part of their effort to include more people of color in their programming. Below are a few guidelines for consideration.Please support their efforts by forwarding this message to clients, friends and acquaintances. Remember, you can nominate families who you think are deserving of this wonderful opportunity.Please note the deadline date for submissions, and please send your nominations/applications directly to CHARISSE SIMONIAN, Family Casting Director at Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (address below) so she can review the applications personally (as opposed to the general p.o. box on the application).

Melinda

ABC's "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition"

We are currently casting families in the Southeast / South and Southwest for Winter shoots. All others are still welcome to apply, however if they're on the East coast we can't consider them until Spring of 2006.

* Families must OWN their home. The home should not be larger than 2,000 sq.Feet and MUST be a single family residence (no townhomes, condos or apartments)
* Families must have a clean criminal history and pass an extensive background check.
* Families should have children (School age) still living at home
* Families should be outgoing, emotional and yet humble and extremely likeable.
* Families should speak Fluent English
* They should be in a situation where, by changing their house in some way,we can help that situation. Their story should be compelling & moving.
* Currently we ARE NOT looking for the following stories relating to: Adoption, Wheelchair accessibility, Cancer, death of or dying parent, ArmedServices, hearing impaired or visually impaired
* They should be "deserving" - i.e. help out the community, their neighbors or hold jobs such as police, fire, teachers, nurses, medics, do voulnteer work, non-profit, etc. (not all members but one at least!)
* Families houses should LOOK like they need repair!
* And, finally families should live on an accessible street, no hills, no cul-de-sacs

To download an application for the show, go to this link:http://abc.go.com/primetime/xtremehome/casting.html

Applications should be sent DIRECTLY to me at the address below, NOT the PO Box on the application. This way I can personally review each application.If the family is in the Southeast or Texas, we will need applications in nolater than Sept. 15th! If they're in California, October 1st.But, the sooner the better!

Charisse Simonian
Family Casting Director ABC's "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition"
1149 N. Gower St. Suite 100
Los Angeles, CA 90038
extremehomes@hotmail.com

Life Gets Better

2005-08-30T22:38:00.000-07:00

The doctor left a message on my voicemail today. Everything is ok. Absolutely nothing to worry about.

So I am relieved. But it almost seemed like it was a very close brush with death. And it actually made me think about life and what I really wanna do with it. This experience brought me so much closer to who I really am and the things that matter to me.

I had so many things happening at the same time for the past 3 months that after my birthday, it felt like I just started a brand new life. For the past 3 months, I suffered so much but I know that after having gone through the fire, I came out shining like gold.

I definitely feel stronger, definitely appreciating life and the people around me more. Life is good, no matter what. Life is good even if it doesn't seem like it. Life is good.

And yes, life does get better.v

Birthday Party

2005-08-28T08:42:00.000-07:00

My mom and my cousin threw a surprise for me and my nephew Jay-R. His birthday is one day ahead of mine so it was perfect. They rented this private place and invited family and friends. It was so fun spending time with the whole family. For the first time in many years, I had a birhtday cake again. It sure was fun making a wish and blowing the candles. And it was funner having shared it with my favorite nephew Jay-R who's almost 3rd year College now.

Lot's of good food, good company, good music and gifts! HEhehe I've never gotten that much gift in my whole life! Lots of envelopes (and that meant money - hehehe) from aunties and uncles and grandmas.

It came right in time when REI had an awesome sale on almost everything!

My Birthday Song

2005-08-26T16:07:00.000-07:00

"I Wanna Do It All"
by Terri Clark

I'm sitting in traffic
For the 5th year in a row
Wasting my time
Just to get where I don't even wanna go
I started jaunting things down
On a krispy kreme sack
Everything I'd do
If I could leave this place
And never look back

I wanna do it all
Visit paris in the fall
Watch the yankee's play ball
I wanna take it all in
Catch a few beads down at Mardi Gras
Start a tradition
Lay down the law
I wanna do it all

I want to drink tequila
Down in Tijuana
Say why not
When somebody says "Hey do you wanna"
I wanna get my heart broke
Once or twice
Settle down with the love of my life
Rock little babies to sleep at night

I wanna do it all.

Wrapping It Up

2005-08-25T23:37:00.000-07:00

Last entry for my 28th year. Tomorrow I will start another year. And hopefully it will be a better one. I'm sure it will be coz I can feel it already. Then I will be hitting the big 30. Booooooo.

The 28th year of my life was certainly an interesting one. I lived alone in my own apartment for the first time. No roommates, no cats, no dogs, nothing. It was just me and the occasional sound of my TV or sometimes the droning sound of the computer's hard drive. There were the occasional sound of the end of a broomstick hitting my floor which was my neighbor's ceiling. I guess they were irritated by the sound of my closet doors. But who the hell cares! We were all living in an apartment for God's sake. So when I found out that a single mother with her 4 month old baby was moving into my place after I left, I was ecstatic. I'm sure the baby irritated them so bad, more than the sound of my rolling closet doors. Hahaha

I had my first lay-off notice on my 28th year but found a great job before I was actually laid off. I visited Canada for the first time and a few other places, filled my laptop with thousands of pictures and my refrigerator door with souvenir magnets.

Approximately 2 months before my 28th birthday, I met a man that I eventually had a relationship with. I've always called him D in my blog. My 28th birthday was spent with him. As a birthday gift, he decorated my apartment and gave me lots of other stuff. Some of my friends said that D kinda went overboard given the fact that we've only known each other for 1 1/2 months.

It was a rocky 28th year for me; a wild roller coaster ride with my relationship with D. It was a year of loving without reservations and without fear of being alone. It was a year of lies and deception, something I thought would eventually change but never did. It was a year of listening to stories that never added up and acting like I bought every explanation while deep inside I was actually tormented because I knew they were flat lies. Yeah, my 28th year was definitely a year of learning and discovery of what people are made of and of what I am made of.

But hey, here I am, ready to be 29 years old - a year older, a year wiser and 18 lbs. lighter. I'm ready to face life again. So let's get the ball rollin. As Paul Coelho said,

"Life is too short, or too long, for me to allow myself the luxury of living it so badly."

Last Quote for my 28th Year

2005-08-25T23:22:00.000-07:00

I was watching a National Geographic show earlier, "Name of Heaven," and this quote from Fr. Gregory Boyle really impacted on me.....

"Ancient monks when they felt distressed and very low, even despondent they used to have a trick. They would say one word over and over and over again and the word wasn't God and the word wasnt heaven. The word was "TODAY." And it was a thing that reminded them to stay right here, not to look forward to anything. And if our eyes are set on heaven then we will miss God present in this day. It's one of the great tragedies sometimes.... that people's eyes are set on something beyond this moment and they forget to be compassionate today."

Nervous As Hell

2005-08-23T22:45:00.000-07:00

I'm impatiently waiting for my biopsy result. Part of me wants to know right now. But somehow I feel like a lil bit of stalling would actually do me good. I'm not really sure but yeah, I'm nervous as hell. I am praying it's nothing but a piece of fibrous tissue that can easily be taken out. If not, well, I guess I'll just have to cross that bridge when I get there.

I'm sure things do happen for a reason. That nothing is ever a coincidence. That yeah, every moment planned or not, intended or not, they're all part of a grand masterplan. So whatever the result will be, I will not sit it out. I won't sulk in one corner and act like I'm a victim. I will be who I am now. One strong-willed woman.

But I'm still nervous though. And a time like this pushes me to do an inventory of my life: things I've done and things I've always wanted to do but never had the time or the guts to do it (e.g. like getting a tattoo), people I've somehow helped, heartbreaks and happy memories, places I've been and places I still wanna visit (top on my list is Peru), people I've wronged and people I need to forgive. Somehow, times like this makes me more reflective about life and about things that really matter.

So what really matters?

Right now, all that matters to me is the bouquet of roses sitting on my desk at work - an early birthday present that my boss gave me. She walked into the office earlier this morning and handed to me the most fragrant bouquet in a vase I've ever had. And the sweetest thing about it is that it came right from her garden! I wish I had my camera with me so I could have snapped a picture of it. But yeah, it was really lovely. And it was so thoughtful of my her. She also promised to take me out for lunch on my birthday. :)

The flowers came at the right time when I was feeling nervous and anxious about my biopsy result. They brightened my day and made everything seem a little better.

So what else matters....

A mother's voice, an old friend's laughter, a touching note from a childhood friend written on a recycled paper, the joy of finished projects like scrapbooks and babyshower favors...

Life is good indeed... although sometimes, it can be like a fucking crazy roller coaster ride.

Mystery of What Lies Ahead

2005-08-18T10:32:00.000-07:00

I’m scared. I wish someone would hold me right now, right this second to tell me everything will be fine. Someone who would tell me, “No, it’s probably not gonna be cancer.” I just need to hear it; to calm me down coz self-talk isn’t working for me right now.

I went straight to the bathroom when I got to work from an early appointment with my gynecologist. I had to wash my face, take some deep breaths, and put some face powder on to hide dried tears and the fear that’s overwhelming me. It’s going to be a rough day for me at work for sure and this is the last thing I would wanna have in mind.

My doctor found an abnormal growth in my uterus. So she did a Pap smear although I wasn’t due for one yet, not until next year. Just hearing her say growth made me nervous and anxious about what lies ahead. “We need to do a biopsy,” I heard her say. I wanted to cry right there and then coz I was so scared. I’m not used to hearing things like that – not from a doctor.

She inserted a speculum that was rather uncomfortable but she said that was normal. I could hear her grabbing some piece of metal, probably forceps or something and it made me feel like I was going to faint. I felt her scraping and tugging something inside. And to my relief, after about 3 minutes, she said she was done.

She showed me a bottle of liquid with some foreign red matter floating in it. Apparently, it was something she took from the abnormal growth inside to be submitted tothe lab to find out whether it’s benign or cancerous.

My doctor did not offer any words of consolation nor false hopes. She just said she’d call me in a week or so when she gets the results back. Either way, she said I might have to get surgery to remove the growth.

She might call a week from now. And a week from now will be my 29th birthday. On my birthday, I might find out whether I am going to get a sort of a second shot at life or if I’m starting to walk down the path to a slow death.

On my 29th birthday…

Home At Last

2005-08-17T20:37:00.000-07:00

She moved in today with me. My cat, that is. I'm just letting her roam around my room for now, letting her get used to the environment, familiarizing herself with the smell around her. I had to stop by Pet Food Express earlier to get her a scratching post, a comb and a toy. I was smiling to myself as I browsed around the store coz I remember how I used to hate the pet industry. But don't get me wrong.

I love pets. I always have. But it didn't make sense to me that people spend way too much money on toys and other stuff for their pets while a kid is dying somewhere coz of hunger. Now, I'm one of those people. I've already spent around $120 for food, litter box, litter, scratching post, toy and comb. I also paid $25 to get her microchipped. But I was thinking, well, I have already given my life for the cause of saving humanity one life at a time. It shouldn't hurt to save one cat's life. And also because my mom paid for her. If it wasn't for my mom suggesting it, I wouldn't have a cat with me right now.

Luna. That's her name. I was gonna name her "kuting" as Bing suggested but Luna's her original name and she responds to it so I think I'm gonna let her keep that name. She's a beautiful, adorable Seal Point Siamese.

I hope our relationship will workout. We're kind of in a trial period right now. I have 7 days to observe whether I really wanna keep her or not. But based on the way I feel, I wanna keep for a long time.

So we'll see how it goes. Welcome home, Luna!

Etc. Etc. Etc.

2005-08-14T23:20:00.000-07:00

A's lost again today - coz I was there. Lol. It's ok though. My mom really enjoyed it so it was worth it. Got us a couple free Athletics shirt, a Limited Edition Eric Chavez figurine (for 1st 10,000 fans) and a free A's coffee mug.

Almost caught a foul ball, but the guy sitting practically behind me got it.

Here's a picture of Rich Harden on the mound getting ready for the game.

God, I'm too lazy to write anything else here. It was a good weekend with my mom. Spent Saturday shopping around. Finally got her a sewing machine so we shopped around for patterns and fabric she can use.

I think she also mentioned about getting me a Siamese cat for my brithday. I don't know where she got the idea but she must have noticed how much I enjoyed the cats at Pet Express Adoption Day.

So we'll see if I find one I fall in love with.

A Quote

2005-08-13T23:09:00.000-07:00

"But I cannot simply do nothing, pretend that everything is normal, that it's just a stage, a phase of my life. I want to forget it, I need to love-- that's all, I need to love.

Life is too short, or too long, for me to allow myself the luxury of living it so badly."

from Paul Coelho's book: "Eleven Minutes"

Sleep, Where Art Thou?

2005-08-12T00:17:00.000-07:00

Dammit. Can't sleep so I decided to write some random thoughts. Probably something really, really trivial. But hey, my life has been full of trivialities lately.

Currently terrified by upcoming LSAT. My dream lies on the result (sort of).
Got a full bladder but too lazy to drag my feet to the bathroom.
Wearing a black shirt from my old job.
Opened the windows. Nice cool breeze coming in.
Chatting on Yahoo with my favorite best friend in the whole world.
Grateful for different Time Zones.
Thankful for buy one get one coupon for baseball tickets or else i wouldn't be able to afford a ticket for my mom.
Pissed that I didn't score tickets to David Gray concert, my favorite singer in the world.

Yawn. Yawn. Yawn.

They Won The Series!

2005-08-11T18:58:00.000-07:00

Yay! Oakland A's won the series against the Anaheim Angels! I wasn't able to watch the game coz I was at work but I passed by the coliseum earlier and the parking lot was full of cars and I thought it's gotta be a sell out again. I almost called in sick for half a day to go see 'em play but I had 2 important meetings today so I didn't. A's is now the best team in the Western Division of the American League! Wooooohoooo! I'm crossing my fingers for more wins this weekend against the Minessota twins. And hopefully they won't lose when I go watch them on Sunday.

Pretty easy day for me at work today. I am learning more on how to take things easy at work. My boss came to my desk yesterday when I stayed late and tried to finish up some stuff. She asked me to go home and take care of myself because our job is very stressful. I appreciated the thought and packed up. She even helped me put away the charts on my desk. She also asked me to leave early today because I've been staying in for extra hour since Monday. So I got off early today and got to relax quite a bit.

Days go by quick at my job. Tomorrow's Friday already! On Saturday, my mom and I are going to the Pistahan at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts in San Francisco. Then Sunday, we'll go to the ballgame. It should be a fun weekend. Hopefully I'll get to see Roda too, so I can pick up Bing's gift from the Philippines for me. :)

Ok, gotta go. Gotta go check my laundry. I hope they're done by now so I could go workout at the gym right away.

I Knew It!

2005-08-10T22:54:00.000-07:00

Oakland A's won tonight coz I wasn't there! Yay! I had to watch them on TV and damn, it was a really good game. I wish I was there with the 45,000 crowd of mostly A's fans. Oh well. It doesn't matter. They won so I'm freakin stoked again. A's tied with the Angels and I'm crossing my fingers that they will win tomorrow's game which will push them to the top position of the Western Division. Go A's!

Damn A's

2005-08-09T23:10:00.000-07:00

There were more than 40,000 people at the stadium tonight. Damn, man. The energy of the crowd was intense. I've never seen that much crowd at an Oakland A's game and I've never seen as much TV crews out there, filming an important game.

And A's had the most disappointing performance. They disappointed me and tens of thousands of other fans out there. Hell I thought we're on for a great start since Harden was pitching! I even made a poster especially just for Rich Harden dammit. And he sucked. He let the Angels scored 7 points by the 2nd inning. What the hell was wrong with him! And then Dan Johnson was just standing therewhile the ball run past him. He was spacin out like it was some Little League game. And I also made a poster for him. Go Dan Johnson! He hit homers for the A's on their road trips and now that they're back here, he sucked big time! Grrrrrrr.

It was still fun though. Got a few autographs from Angels players since we were about 4 rows from the field near the Angels dugout. I can't wait for Sunday when the A's go against the Minnesota Twins. We'll be sitting by the A's dugout this time. And I'm bringing my mom to the game! Yay! I bet you she'll be sitting there with a perplexed look on her face coz she wouldn't understand what the hell is going on. Hehehe. But I just want her to see and experience more of the American culture. So we'll see how she'll react on Sunday.

So that was it. I still flew my A's flag on top of my car even if they lost. We'll see how they'll do tomorrow night. Hopefully they will do better since Zito is pitching and he has a better average than the Angels pitcher.

We'll see. I'm crossing my fingers and no, I'm not going to the game tomorrow night anymore because it seems like everytime I watch an A's game at the stadium, they lose. It never fails. So tomorrow night, I guess I'll just sit infront of my TV with a bowl of pop corn and a can of Coors Light and I'm good.

Go A's!!!!!!

Weekend's Over

2005-08-07T22:51:00.000-07:00

God, time flies. And it flies so fast. Tomorrow, I’m back to work again.

Weekend was alright. I didn’t do much. I cleaned the house on Saturday, spending approximately 4 hours to dust, vacuum, scrub etc. It felt great cleaning the house though. It felt like a big accomplishment. Hehehe

Today, I went to Lake Chabot in Castro Valley with one of my friends. We checked out the picnic places we can use for E’s baby shower next month. The place is nice and there are lots of stuff do, kayaking, canoeing, boating, hiking etc. Looks like a fun place so we decided we’ll have E’s baby shower there.

Got me some baby shower party favors to work on, a poster and some poster paints to make banners for the A’s game on Tuesday. It should be a good game between Oakland A’s and Anaheim Angels as they compete for the top position in the American League.

Woohooo! Go A’s!

My Oh My

2005-08-05T05:29:00.000-07:00

My Oh My
by David Gray

What on earth is going on in my heart
Has it turned as cold as stone
Seems these days I don't feel anything
Less it cuts me right down to the bone
What on earth is going on in my heart

My oh my you know it just don't stop
It's in my mind I wanna tear it up
I've tried to fight it tried to turn it off
But it's not enough
It takes a lotta love
It takes a lotta love my friend
To keep your heart from freezing
To push on till the end
My oh my

What on earth is going on in my head
You know I used to be so sure
You know I used to be so definite
Thought I knew what love was for
I look around these days and I'm not so sure

Just Another Day

2005-08-04T22:22:00.000-07:00

I went to see a doctor today. I had my annual physical check-up. Blood pressure is good. Pulse rate is good. A little overweight said the doctor. I was amused to hear the doctor say that because I am not just a little overweight. I am really overweight and yep, I'm even embarrassed to let the world know my BMI. So I thought that was really nice of the doctor to say I'm just a little overweight.

I told him I'm really concerned about my weight. I also told him I'm worried about the fact that after I stopped taking birth control pills, I felt bloated most of the time and that it seemed like I instantly gained weight around my midsection. He said birth control pills can do that to a woman's body but he said he thinks I could use a little help in losing weight.

So he sent me to the lab for thyroid and liver test. He said if my liver test comes out good, he will prescribe me a diet pill that would inhibit fat absorption. This pill I think is Rx only and I've heard it before. It's Xenecal. I told him I wasn't sure if I wanted to lose weight this way but he said I shouldn't worry coz it's safe. He also set me up with a dietitian so she could look at my daily calorie intake and will give me suggestions on how I can cut back and improve my diet. He also said it could be a thyroid thing too. But he doesn't know yet until he gets the result back from the lab. So yeah, I feel satisfied with this doctor's visit. I have been complaining to my previous physician regarding my weight but all she said was "Exercise!" Glad my new physician was willing to refer me to a dietitian and sent me to the lab for testing. So yeah, I'm definitely on my way to a better and stronger body.

I also asked him about this white spot I noticed on my eye. He looked at it and he said it's nothing to be worried about. According to him, it's jsut some sort of a white "skin" due to too much exposure to the sun but it won't affect my eyesight at all. I told him I have an upcoming appointment with the Opthalmologist and he advised me to still go and have them check my eye but he said it's really nothing to worry about. He thinks that an Opthalmologist may suggest surgery though. His last advice about my eyes: 'You gotta wear sunglasses in the sun all the time."

So everything is good. I just have to wait a little bit more to know my cholesterol level but other than that, everything about my physical self is good. Just gotta keep losing this extra weight. And I'm not worried. Coz I know I will.

A few minutes ago, I just started writing my personal statement for Law School. I've written a few sentences and suddenly, writer's block. I wanted to write mostly about "what I am made of and what am I made for" but I got stuck. So I browsed around for sample personal statements online but I found them inhibiting my creativity instead of enhancing it. So I decided to just saved what I started and write on my blog instead. Maybe it would get me more inspired, get the creative juices flowing blah blah blah

So I've been squeezing my brain but nothing's comin out of it at the moment. I guess I better go to bed. I'll probably be better off writing my personal statement early tomorrow morning, as soon as I wake up. Trust me Bing and Abel and to all your Journalist/Writer friends. I will need you guys' help to edit and proofread my personal statement. Please.... I need it for Harvard! Hahaha I think I am already in dream world. I better hit the sack.

And continue to dream about Harvard. Ahhhh, only in my dreams.

Just like love. Only in my dreams... never will it be a reality. Never.

It Ain't Real

2005-08-03T22:25:00.000-07:00

So I was sitting in my car with the radio on listening to stupid love songs that don't fucking mean anything more. Life is fucking great let me tell you. But I still feel fucking angry. I wish I could help feeling angry and bitter because I just realized how uncapable of loving I have become.

I sat by my window for a long time staring at nothing, thinking about love and how shallow and meaningless it has become. Love don't mean anything to me anymore. Why would it mean anything when I have loved and gave every fucking thing I was capable of giving but still ended up with broken pieces of my heart? Tell me how can that make sense. I know I'm not the first person who's loved and lost and lost very badly but to all those who did, how can that make sense?

So what do you do when you thought you finally found your soulmate but he leaves you with nothing but just imprints of his memory here and there and everywhere? What do you do? Tell me. Do you just fucking go and try to find another soulmate? So maybe I should start believing that maybe somewhere in Asia or Australia sits my soulmate, probably sitting in a cafe whispering to another girl's ear that they are soulmates.... too. Or that a guy in a bullet train in Europe is wishing for his soulmate to cross his path but too bad he married an Italian girl of his dreams, or so he thought until he found out how much of a bitch she really is. God, how many soulmates can we possibly have. But what if each one of us has only one soulmate and the one that just left was the one, then I'd have to live the rest of my life without having one.

Damn, this whole love thing is so fucking bullshit. I don't wanna have to do it with for a very long time. The most handsome, most gorgeous guy can come and ask me out right now but I ain't messing with that shit. Not right now. I don't believe in love. Not for now. Not for a very long time.

I see my heart as nothing but a piece of black tar. Not capable of anything. It's just one ugly blob in it's sorriest state. I never thought it would ever reach this point. I used to sit by the window at my old house, hoping and knowing that someday I would find love that's grand, love that would last fucking forever, or at least something that would last me a lifetime. But now, I've grown, and I don't believe in that crap anymore.

Ok, yeah, I might still go out on dates. Maybe accept dinner invitations but trust me, what's love has to fucking do with it. I'm sorry but I have lost the capacity to love again. I hear stories of broken hearts, lost love and betrayals. I've heard other people's stories way worse than mine. So tell me, where the fuck is real love? Where do you find it?

Do you find it in the 50th wedding anniversary of a couple as they renew their vows? How would I know it's true love between them and not just being scared to be alone? Do you find true love in a high school prom where a beaming young girl gets her first dance and a few months down the road her first dance ends up in someone else's arms?

Where is real love? Real romantic love? Is there such thing? Or are we just fucking living in a dream world? Was I fucking living in a dream world thinking I can find true love? Thinking I can find my soulmate, someone who would wanna spend a long time with me? Tell me, should have I planted my feet on the ground? Why did nobody ever tell me that love is nothing but a figment of our imagination? That it doesn't really exist. That we imagine it too much that we begin to actually believe in it. That it's real.

Then one day, life whips you in the ass and you wake up. You open your eyes and you see, there is no love. Because everything was just a dream. Just a fucking dream....

Very Well Said

2005-08-02T12:27:00.000-07:00

Here's a quote from Jennifer Aniston as she answered interview questions for the Vanity Fair regarding her failed relationship with Brad Pitt....

"Am I lonely? Yes. Am I upset? Yes. Am I confused? Yes. Do I have my days when I've thrown a little pity party for myself? Absolutely. But I'm also doing really well."

From A Long-lost Friend

2005-08-02T08:44:00.000-07:00

A long-lost friend of mine emailed me the following "forwarded message." It's something I've gotten before but it's good to be reminded of life's simple truths.

- Cry a river; build a bridge; get over it
- Everything happens in its own time
- You are the only person who can make yourself HAPPY
- Laughther is the best tranquilizer with no side effects
- Happiness is a journey, not a destination
- Do today what others won't so you can live tomorrow like others can't
- It is never too late to be what you might have become
- Treasure the LOVE you receive; it will survive long after your gold and good health have vanished.
- The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step
- Always have something to do, something to LOVE, and something to HOPE for

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It Feels More Like Home

2005-08-01T23:01:00.000-07:00

Comcast finally has the GMA network! Wooooohooooo! Now it feels more like home here, with TFC and GMA. Truth is, I don't really watch that much of these Filipino Channels but I like the fact that I can just switch the TV on anytime and feel like I'm back in my little 'ol town.

Finally decided to join a gym again. 24 Hour fitness had a promo which was a really good deal so I decided to sign up. No contracts so that was a plus point. Now, I'm on my way to a better, leaner and stronger body. Gotta take care of me, inside out. So next on my list is a really good hairstyle. Something that would compliment my plump face. Hehehe

That's about it. Work's a little crazy for the past few days but I'm lovin it. I can't really complain with a supervisor as great as mine.

Oh by the way, tonight, I tried to make Paneer Tikka Masala - one of my favorite Indian dish. Uhmmm, sad to say that it didn't turn out as good as I expected it to be. I guess my culinary skill wasn't good enough. Not yet. I guess I just have to swing by Naan N Curry after work one of these days and have their mouth watering Paneer Tikka Masala. Hmmmm. Yummy.

Just another day in the life of "Meh."

Save The Date!

2005-07-31T22:50:00.000-07:00

Before I forget....

Friends of San Francisco Public Library 41st Annual Big Book Sale
Thursday, September 29 to Sunday, October 2, 2005
Festival Pavilion, Fort Mason Center
10:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. Thursday
10:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. Friday, Saturday and Sunday

Members Preview Sale:
Wednesday, September 28th
5:00 - 8:00 p.m.

Last year I bought a cartload of books and they are super cheap! On the last day of the Book Sale, they sold everything for 25 cents! You can't beat that price. So Bing, send me a list of books you want coz you'll never know, I might find it there!

Roda, mark this one on your calendar. This is something you don't wanna miss!

Piece Of Shit Phone!

2005-07-30T23:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, my new phone has become like a relationship. I fell so in love with it that I thought it was the best fucking thing in the world. Then yesterday, it disappointed me. Just like a relationship gone bad.

First, I've only had this phone for 3 days. So I was trying to copy my phone number on my SIM to the phone's Address Book and it won't fucking let me! It would start to display a window that says "Copying to Adress Book" then it would freeze! Damn it. So I gave up.

Earlier today, I was surprised why I wasn't receiving any calls, emails or text messages. I thought it was odd. So I checked my phone and for some crazy reason it was "searching" fo a signal! And I was in an area where Ive always had a signal with my Motorola v200 and even my crappiest Nokia phones. Grrrrrrr. I am so mad!

It's a good thing I kept my Nokia phone in my dashboard. I had to switch back to it coz I wasn't getting any signal with this piece of crap blackberry phone. I might try the Blackberry phone again tomorow. And if it's still acting up then I guess it might just end up in the trash bin.

Friggin piece of shit!

New Phone!

2005-07-28T23:02:00.000-07:00

I got a new phone! Woohoooo! :)

It's a Blackberry 7100t. It's hard to get used to it, but who cares. I think it's cool so that's all that matters for now. Hehehe

I love it. I love it. I love it!

*I just changed the image to a picture I just took of this piece of crap phone.

The Best Chicken Adobo ;)

2005-07-27T22:50:00.000-07:00

I made chicken adobo earlier, and trust me, it’s the best chicken adobo ever. ;) Here’s how I cooked it….

YOU CAN FIND THIS RECIPE IN MY NEW BLOG.... JUST CLICK HERE...

http://mydetours.blogspot.com/2007/11/best-chicken-adobo.html

It's the best ever!!! :)

Life is Good

2005-07-26T23:10:00.000-07:00

Finally, my former boss called today and told me they are going to cut me a final check – the one from my old job. They messed it up last month and I have been trying to get my money from them. After almost a month of waiting, I finally heard a word from them. Well, I don’t have the check yet but at least I got his word so that’s good enough, for now.

I just got back from playing tennis. It’s been sometime since I played tennis and instead of being rusty, I actually did well. I had to call it a game around 9:15 coz I was beginning to get exhausted. It was fun though. I should do that more often.

Well, it was another good day at work today. I am almost ready to hit the sack but I am trying to find more information for a weekend hike my friends and I are planning to take. We’re thinking of going to Cathedral Lakes in Yosemite which is a 6-hour hike (I think) or maybe do Desolation Wilderness. I’m not sure yet which one we’d pick.

I guess that’s about it for today. I gotta get back on my hiking trail research. Can’t wait to get out in the wilderness again.

Life is great!

Life's Principles

2005-07-24T20:38:00.000-07:00

One thing I've learned in life is the fact that promises are shit. They're not worth anything. Not even promises written in blood. Promises don't guarantee anything.

So I decided to live my life without promises - I'm not making them and no, I am not asking for them. I think what we should do is to just do the best we can when we could. And never expect anything back.

Life should be easier that way. Life without promises means less hassle and less trouble.

And that's exactly what D and I have. We both know we care and love each other so much but given the distance and the uncertainty of what the future, D suggested it was best to keep our options open. No ties, no promises.

I told D though, that I care and love him so much that as of today's date, he's still the love of my life. I mean, c'mon, how the fuck can you stop loving somebody just like that? You can't. I can't. So I just have to live with the fact that I do love this man but I can't be with him. I will live my life to the fullest as I celebrate the fact that yes, I am capable of loving, even from a distance.

And he knows that I am aware about the unknown future. He doesn't know anything about the future and I don't neither. Hell, it would be a boring life if I knew what tomorrow holds. It would suck to know the future. And life wouldn't be as fun anymore. Who knows, I could even get into an accident and die later on my way to the gas station to fill up my car before I go to bed. Who knows? And sometimes, when I talk about dying, people around me seem to be terrified. They react like death should be some forbidden topic.

But I guess it's natural for people to fear the unknown. Death is an unknown, it's a mystery. But isn't it true that young as I am, I could still possibly die tomorrow or next week or I could die in my sleep tonight. No one knows.

And yet I choose to live my life to the fullest. Taking more time to appreciate the heat of the sun on my skin, the rustling of tree branches outside my window, just little things that make life more colorful and beautiful. One thing I've already learned from my job is to not sweat the small stuff. And I found out how life can be so much easier if you don't sweat the small stuff.

So Wave's life's principle # 1: No promises. Hell no.
and life's principle # 2 : Don't sweat the small stuff.

I'm sure more learnings will come. But for now, I will stick to these two principles as I continue to live this wonderful, crazy and exciting journey called life.

What A Wonderful Life

2005-07-23T23:54:00.000-07:00

I spent the most wonderful night with D last night. I opened the door and there he was - it was him. And I knew I wasn'd dreaming. He looked so gorgeous, so handsome right there, standing at the doorway.

I wrapped my arms around him, after about a month and a half of not being able to do so. I hugged him so tight I wanted to stay there forever. Then we shared the longest, sweetest, hungriest, most breathtaking kisses we've ever shared.

And the rest of the night was just out of this world. D. My D. You're everything....

Today was spent with family. We had a party at my cousin's house for my mom's, cousin's and grandma's birthday. More on that next time.

I'm just overflowing with so much happiness that I got a chance to be with D again, even if it was just for a brief visit. I'm glad to know that things are going great for him in Music City. I can feel it in my heart that far greater things are waiting for him.

You are awesome babe. And so wonderful.

You have a great job and you still found the time to care for a guy you didn't even know. You got him a job because when you looked into his eyes, you looked beyond a pair of big blue eyes. You took the time to look into his soul.

Babe, you are awe-inspiring.

It's Not Fair!

2005-07-19T09:03:00.000-07:00

David Gray is coming to San Francisco 10 days before my birthday! But tickets are sold out already. It's not fair! :( I've always wanted to watch him perform.

All the tickets available online are way above the face value and no way I will pay that price.

Hmmm, maybe I would get lucky on Craigslist. Or probably get unlucky and pay for a fake concert ticket.

It's not fair! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Anybody out there wanna sell me a David Gray ticket at the Fillmore Theater in San Francisco? I'm willing to pay $60 for it. That's almost double the face value. Please.......

Random Thought

2005-07-08T09:02:00.000-07:00

Why does a piece of paper, like an 8" x 11" feel lighter when it is unfolded than when it's crumpled. E.g., try throwing a piece of paper in a trash bin froma distance. It won't make it if it's not crumpled. You have to crumple it in order for that piece of paper to make it to the trash bin.

I know, it's probably just simple physics but I was just amused by the thought. I was also thinking how it relates to life. You don't go through life unscathed. In order for you to make it somewhere, you have to be crumpled and wrinkled and pressed. Coz if you're like a piece of flat paper, the wind will just playfully toss you around.

But of course I don't wanna end up getting thrown in the trash bin. Know what I'm sayin?

At Lonsdale Quay Market

2005-07-05T22:22:00.000-07:00

Red Snapper for sale at the Q Market in North Vancouver City, Canada.

4th Day of An Aimless Road Trip

2005-07-04T20:03:00.000-07:00

On our way back to Cali, we took a little side trip to Crater Lake National Park. The view is awesome and pictures don't do justice to it.

Crater Lake is the 7th deepest lake in the whole world. The water is so blue although the sky isn't. This picture was taken on top of the crater. There's another volcano inside the crater and another one submerged in its deep waters.

This is like Taal Volcano in the Philippines.

2nd Day of An Aimless Roadtrip

2005-07-02T21:47:00.000-07:00

We left Rosburg about 7:30 this morning. Man, I tell you, the drive from there was so beautiful. We we're on I-5 the entire time but it was so beautiful. I used to visualize a flat, boring drive when I hear I-5. Today's drive totally changed that.

There were pine trees and evergreens everywhere. We went up hills and mountains and down to the valleys. Even the rest stops are beautiful! They look like they were nestled in the middle of a forest!

We stopped by Portland, Oregon's biggest city. We crossed one of their many bridges into downtown and parked right by their World Trade Center. From there, we walked to the water front and enjoyed the scenery. It was drizzling when we got there but it wasn't too bad. After our quick jaunt to Portland, we hit I-5 again and kept on driving North.

I wasn't really that impressed with Portland. Well, I don't think I can judge a city by the little tiny bit that I saw but I just didn't fall in love with it. It was just – blah. I'm sorry if someone from Portland is reading my blog.

But when we finally arrive in the Seattle area, damn, I wanted to stop right there and explore the city. I fell in love with Seattle the moment I saw its Skyline. I didn't have that "blah" feeling that I felt in Portland. We didn't stop though. We drove past Seattle thinking we might be able to get to Vancouver, Canada later this afternoon. But right after we got to Everett, traffic was so heavy and I thought maybe the wait at the US-Canada border will be too long. So instead of sitting in traffic, we decided to make a U-turn and headed back to Seattle.

Everett is only about 20 miles away so it wasn't really that bad. We stopped by a gas station to grab a Travel Discount Hotel Coupon Guide. I called a few places until I I found a reasonable rate that was right there at the Seattle City Center.

We stayed at the Travelodge right by the Space Needle! Okay, the place was blah. It has a bed, lamp, shower, AC – just the basics. But it was right there, close to everything. We even have a Space Needle View right at our door.

Since Space Needle was right there, we explored it first. Then we took the Monorail and walked about 4 blocks to Seattle's famous Public Market. This Public Market is the oldest Public Market in the US. Trust me, this place, is something you don't wanna miss when you go to Seattle.

Everything is so affordable. They were selling beautiful bouquets of flowers for $10! These bouquets are probably worth $30 in flower shops. This is also where you will find the World Famous Pike Place Fish Market. They do salmon throwing here which was fun to see. If you buy fish, lobster, crab etc. here, they can pack it for you – safe enough to go on a plane ride with ya. Is that cool or what?

We walked down into the second level of the Public Market and there it was – the restaurant where Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan shot one of their scenes in Sleepless in Seattle!!!!!! That was really cool. We then head to a Russian shop and had a Piroshki and something else – can't remember what the name was – but it was like a Piroski with cream and cherries. That was good. The piroshkis were big enough to get us by until dinner.

We headed back to the Monorail but we got sidetracked at the underground Bus line. The place was deserted. Apparently, they no longer operate on the weekends. It was cool though, walking through the deserted platform. Empty. Even the escalators were empty, though they were running. It was sort of eerie, kinda like a movie scene.

We got back on the Monorail and headed back to the foot of the Space Needle. We were gonna eat dinner at the Revolving Restaurant on top of the Space Needle but I thought it was very expensive for an aimless trip like this. 45 bucks was the cheapest for the main course. So we decided to check out China Town for a cheaper deal.

Seattle's China Town wasn't that impressive. And we didn't stop there for dinner. Iwas reading a tourist map when I came across a restaurant called "Typhoon." It's a Thai restaurant and it has been recommended by Bon Appetit, America's Food and Entertaining magazine as the best Thai restaurant in the US.

Didn't even think twice about it. I love Thai food. So we decided to check it out. The ambiance was nice. I loved it! The food was indeed very good. I've been to so many Thai restaurants but I have to say that yes, I agree with Bon Appetit. Best Thai Food so far. We ordered Crab Pad Thai, Grilled Trout and Pineapple Fried Rice. We also had Iced Tea. Trust me, everything was cooked to perfection! The only thing I didn't like was the absence of Thai servers. All their servers were either blonde haired women or some other nationality other than Thai. But the food was good. So no complaints here.

Then we drove around Seattle, exploring its different neighborhoods. We found one of the best view of the Seattle Skyline on 5th Ave. and hmm, I forgot the cross street but I wrote it down somewhere. It was just beautiful during sunset. Though I'm sure the skyline looks more beautiful on a boat but we didn't have enough time to catch one.

We drove around Seattle City Center one more time then we headed back to our lodging. Gotta get enough sleep for a long day tomorrow. We'll try to cross the border to Canada and explore Vancouver. This one should be exciting.

Ciao.

First Leg of An Aimless Roadtrip

2005-07-02T01:09:00.000-07:00

I was chatting with Bing last night as I was getting my clothes ready for an aimless roadtrip. And so I asked her where should we head to and she suggested North. So North it is.

We started our trip around 6 p.m., Friday, expecting heavy bottlenecks along the way but we were so lucky . There was NO traffic anywhere. Not even on freeways going out of the Bay Area. After 6 hours we finally crossed the border into Oregon.

Luckily, we found a vacancy in 10 minutes in a little town called Roseburg. The price was kinda steep but I thought, well, it's July 4th weekend. So I kinda expected this aimless roadtrip to be somewhat expensive.

It's about 1 a.m. now. And gotta get as much rest as I can for the next leg of our trip tomorrow. Where to? I don't know.

I won't know. Not yet. Not until the tires stop spinning. But we're headed North, that's for sure.

*this was written at Windmill Inn in Roseburg, Oregon where we spent the first night of this 3-day weekend.

It Made My Day

2005-07-01T16:54:00.000-07:00

I got to my office this morning and I found 2 chocolate bars sitting on my desk. It came with a note from my supervisor congatulating for my 1st Month Anniversary and that she really enjoys my enthusiasm.

How cool is that! :)

After a While

2005-07-01T12:38:00.000-07:00

After A While
Veronica Shoffstall

After a while, you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of a woman not the grief of a child,
And learn to build your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight,
After a while, you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much,
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure…
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn...
With every goodbye, you learn.

*found this on Abel's blog and it impacted on me so I'm posting it here. Thanks Abel. This poem made a difference in my life.

Three-Day Weekend

2005-06-30T18:49:00.000-07:00

The road is calling. It is longing for the warmth of rubber tires and for the pounding sound of an aimless traveller's heartbeat.

And I, long for the excitement of a long overdue aimless roadtrip. I do. I do. I really do.

So what are we waiting for? Let's go!

East, West, Northwest. Who cares.

As long as tires are spinning and the music playing, destination doesn't really matter. Just as long as we're headed somewhere.

Gaaaaaah. The mystery of an aimless roadtrip...

Back... Again

2005-06-29T22:32:00.000-07:00

Ok. I’m back from hibernation. I’m alive and I’m well. Isn’t that great news? Life is good, I think. Dammit.

I intentionally refrained from writing anything on my blog. I actually didn’t write anything, not even in my paper journal. Nothing. I refused to process anything in my brain. Well, yeah, I did try at first. I tried to process everything and picked my own brain for some answers for my gazillion questions. Questions that start with mostly why’s and how’s. I was drained just thinking and processing so I decided fuck that. I decided not to process anything. Ceased asking my questions because I knew I wouldn’t get any answers.

I refused to think. And during those moments that my thoughts got bombarded with the why’s trying to figure out how, why and what the hell really happened, I refused to write my thoughts down. I didn’t want to document the turmoil I was going through. I didn’t wanna have a record of how intense the pain was. This is so not like me but I didn’t want to have that memory. No, I don’t wanna remember every single detail, every stabbing pain I felt while I was sitting in my office, in my car, and in my apartment. No, I don’t wanna remember the tears I cried in the bathroom, the anger and bitterness I felt and the anxiety over unanswered questions. I want to forget how hard it was to face my clients and act like everything’s okay while deep inside my world was caving in. I want to forget that once again, my heart was shattered into tiny, little pieces – hell no, I don’t wanna have that memory.

But isn’t what I’m doing right now? Documenting it? Kinda like creating an electronic imprint of what I was and still going through? Hell, I don’t know. At least I am not writing every little detail. At least right now I am not crying. I am just in a passive state, not feeling anything – aside from the occasional pangs of pain, anger and bitterness that attacks me every now and then.

But I’m alright. Just like Melissa Etheridge's song "BREATHE" goes:

IT ONLY HURTS WHEN I BREATHE

I played the fool today
I just dream of vanishing into the crowd
Longing for home again
Home, is a feeling I buried in you

I'm alright, I'm alright
It only hurts when I breathe

And I can't ask for things to be still again
No I can't ask if I could walk through the world in your eyes
Longing for home again
Home, is a feeling I buried in you

I'm alright, I'm alright
It only hurts when I breathe
I'm alright, I'm alright
It only hurts when I breathe

My window through which nothing hides
And everything sees
I'm counting the signs and cursing the miles in between

Home, is a feeling I buried in you, that I buried in you"

IT ONLY FUCKING HURTS WHEN I BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!

Damn, why the fuck does the heart never learn. I should be better at this now since I’ve had my heart broken in past. It’s not like this is something I am not familiar with. But no, the heart never learns.

Dammit.

Niyahaha!

2005-06-22T00:30:00.000-07:00

Life is funny...

Ironic...

Cruel.

FYI: I'm not just talking about my life and the way it is for me right now. I am talking about the lives of many others who have had their own share of life's unfairness.

No, life is never fair. I never thought it was. Never.

Just read Bing's "Katanungan" entry. You'll see. ALthough Bing keeps telling me that life is fair. Sorry Bing, you know you're my best friend but on this one, I think we have to agree to disagree. Waddyathink?

More About Life

2005-06-21T00:12:00.000-07:00

You are born into this world an innocent.

Guilt-free.
Sugar-free.
Caffeine-free.

Then suddenly...

WHACK!

You are spanked.
Really hard.
This is unfair.
You have done nothing wrong.
You know this for a fact.

How?

You haven't had time to do anything - period.

You are only 3 1/2 seconds old.

You haven't had time to catch your breath, let alone time to covet a neighbor or furtively screen calls on your answering machine. You don't even have an answering machine yet. You don't even have people to avoid yet - you are that spanking new.

Which brings us back to that spanking.

WHY? Why you?

Why all the pain?

Although you're only 3 1/2 seconds old, you have just been though a BIG LIFE LESSON.

LIFE LESSON #1

Pain exists.
Life can hurt.
Like a lot.

Even when you're good,
you can get whacked.
Without apology.
Without explanation.

It's not until later, that you finally LEARN...

LIFE LESSON #2

That pain back in LIFE LESSON #1 was for your benefit.

You were being
taught to breathe,
invited to suck
down a yummy
oxygen/nutrogen
cocktail. That
painful wahck
was necessary
for your growth.

Of course, had you been told this at that time, you still would not have understood with your naive lil' baby mind.

And so it goes for much of the pain in your life. Often you need to evolve a bit more before you can understand a bit more.

*excerpt from a book I picked up from a garage sale: "How To Be Happy, DAMMIT" by Karen Salmansohn.

Life's Ultimate Lesson

2005-06-20T06:02:00.000-07:00

I think that learning how to be alone and getting good at it is life's ultimate lesson. That's why almost everything in life is so transient. So fleeting. Just like the beauty of a rose just about to bloom and the serenity of a lovely sunset. Everything is so ephemeral just like the captivating mystery of a late-afternoon rainbow.

Look around and you'll see tidbits of the ultimate lesson. Tidbits that tell you nothing in this life is permanent. Signs that are prodding us to get good at being alone as much as we can. Because in the end all we got left is nothing but ourselves.

I wonder though, if I will ever reach that point of getting good at being alone? So good at it that my whole being will be overwhelmed with numbness and pain will no longer have its place. Will I ever reach that place? A place where it doesn't matter how much I have given of myself - I won't hurt because by then I have learned and mastered the lesson of being alone.

I'm not sure if this is sad or not, but I'm back to my old, comfortable shell. Surrounded with my music and my poetry, a world where I know my heart and my soul are safe. A world where I can prove that being alone isn't so bad and where being alone doesn't necessarily mean being lonely.

So let me rest here for a while in this dark cocoon. I like it here and I prefer it here. For now.

Someday I will emerge and flutter my wings like a colorful butterfly - by then, I would have mastered the art of being alone and I will no longer be afraid to say, "Hey, catch me if you can." No, I won't be afraid because at that point I'll be having a blast being alone that no one can catch me ever again.

Turst me, life will be a blast... even if I am/will be alone.

Updated Moving Sale

2005-06-19T11:10:00.000-07:00

Queen Mattress with Box Spring and Frame - $200
Kitchen Table with Four Chairs - $45 SOLD
DVD Collection - $5 each (most of them unopened) titles include: Behind Enemy Lines, Y Tu Mama Tambien, L'Auberge Espagnole, Shawshank Redemption etc.
Wine Stand (with 4 bottles of wine) - $30
5-drawer dresser - $25 with matching nightstand - $15 or $35 for both
Patio Table - $20 SOLD

Shopped Till I Dropped

2005-06-18T23:34:00.000-07:00

Waaaaaaaaah. But hey, shopping is a lot funner than paying $105 per hour for a therapy session, no?

Got me new books, shirts, shoes, and brand spankin new Chevy Tahoe!!!!!!!!!! No. Not really. Almost though. So please, somebody stop me from going to the Chevrolet dealership tomorrow. I so freakin want a new car. And I think I deserve this one.

Probably not. Might just go to Great Cuts and get me a cheap $14 haircut.

Moving Out Sale

2005-06-18T19:51:00.000-07:00

Queen Mattress with Box Spring and Frame - $200
Kitchen Table with Four Chairs - $45
DVD Collection - $5 each (most of them unopened)
titles include: Behind Enemy Lines, Y Tu Mama Tambien, L'Auberge Espagnole, Shawshank Redemption etc.
Wine Stand (with 4 bottles of wine) - $30
5-drawer dresser - $25 with matching nightstand - $15 or $35 for both
Patio Table with 2 Chairs - $20

Yep, I have given up my apartment and moving in with my family therefore I have to sell some of my belongings to make my move a lot easier.

My Life At The Moment

2005-06-17T14:51:00.000-07:00

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In other words: NOTHING MAKES SENSE.

A Mask Indeed

2005-06-17T12:18:00.000-07:00

It’s funny how I am walking around the office today flashing the best smile I could muster everytime I come across somebody. And of course they smile back. Or I smile back at them. And I was thinking, hell, they don’t know how my night went. And they don’t have any idea of how I really feel inside.

And it makes me wonder about the people we come across with, the people we see on the streets, in the store, everywhere. Lots of them have smile on their faces and some of them would even smile and say “Hi, How you doin?” But how many of these people are wearing that beautiful mask of a smile? I went to a Chinese pastry shop for breakfast today before I headed to the office and the pretty Chinese girl on the counter smiled at me. I smiled back thinking, hmmm, I wonder if she has some sort of a heartache at the moment just like I do? Are we wearing the same mask? The funny thing is, this mask I’m sure looks genuine to anyone who doesn’t know me.

I went to the bathroom earlier and look myself in the mirror. I wanted to see myself smile – to check how genuine it looks – and to my surprise, it did look genuine. It will surely fool all the people around me.

A smile is a mask indeed. And a beautiful one at that.

I Lost A Love

2005-06-17T01:46:00.000-07:00

but I didn't. Even after hearing the words "move on" and succumbing to them (I had no choice), I feel it in my heart as if I did not lose him at all.

After pouring my soul out to D tonight I feel as if nothing has changed. And I don't think they did. I know he loves me, I know he does. He did. And he still does. I'm pretty sure about that. I'm sure it was a torture for him to listen to me cry like that. I'm sorry D. I know you understand though. At that moment, I felt like I was slowly getting sucked into a tunnel and something was horribly sucking the life out of me.

But after 2 hours of talking to D, I realized I wasn't in that dark tunnel anymore. Yes, I think at that moment I was dying. But they say that when some people die, they go toward the light. They get attracted to this bright light. And I think that's what happened to me tonight.

I died. But right when I thought I am in an endless tunnel, I saw a bright light and I went towards it. There was no choice. THe light was so bright that I can't help but be drawn to it. And I know this light will guide me and help me be the person that I am supposed to be.

I may be hurting right now but in my heart it is calm. It's ironic and I even find it hard to explain the way I feel. Heck I am still sobbing, but in my heart I feel a sense of peace and calm that exceeds all understanding.

I don't know how and why I feel this way but I just know in my heart, and I feel it in my heart like I have not lost him at all.

I have loved him fiercely and poured my heart and soul like I never have. And I have no regrets. And just like that Trisha Yearwood song goes:

"If If I'd've known the way that this would end
If I'd've read the last page first
If I'd've had the strength to walk away
If I'd've known how this would hurt

I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I'd've loved you anyway"

Yes, I would've loved you anyway D...

Today's Learnings

2005-06-13T22:45:00.000-07:00

I went to a training this morning. Got a chance to learn more about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy from an expert. God, there's so much to learn and I'm glad that even this supposedly "work training" are learnings I could apply in my life. Today is like a refresher course on Social Work 210 or something. We talked about maximization (of the problem) and minimization (of ability), absolutist thinking and a lot more. But the one I like the most are pop-up thoughts. These are thoughts that pop up automatically when we hear or encounter something. And most of the time these are negative thoughts.

And since a lot of people think this way, we have to apply thought stopping process. Nip it in the bud before the thought's dominoe effect takes place. Coz if we dwell on these negative automatic/pop-up thoughts, it will quickly lead into more negative thoughts causing unnecessary stress until it exhibits in the physical realm in the form of an anxiety disorder.

I'm sure I could use this learning too. LOL

I checked Amazon today and it looks like my book's been shipped. Can't wait to get that one coz I really want to have my own copy of DSM-IV. I'll probably get it by Wednesday or Thursday.

Trying So Hard

2005-06-12T19:03:00.000-07:00

Trying so hard not to cry
When I come home
And I know he wont be
Coming to hold me in
His arms so comforting.

Trying so hard not to think
Of how far he is
and how long it would be
Til I see him again
And feel him again.

Trying to get on with my day
Without his wakeup call
I've gotten used to
Now I have nothing
But the sound of my alarm clock.

Life is no longer the same
But I gotta try.
Gotta try.
And try.

Try not to cry.

Weekend With Mom

2005-06-11T23:46:00.000-07:00

Mom, Bryan and I drove to Big Sur today. I wanted to show her the spectacular California coast. And we were lucky enough to see it in it's bluest state. No fog, not that much wind. It was just perfectly beautiful. We stopped at a couple Vista Points then headed out to the waterfalls. I think she was kinda scared of my driving though. LOL. Well, too bad mom. I guess you gotta learn to drive ASAP but until then, you're stuck with me on the driver's seat.

On our way back, we stopped by the Great Mall. We shopped for some shoes and other stuff we're sending to my cousins back in PI. It's interesting because I don't think I would ever buy shoes as expensive as the one's I bought for Royce and Xaris. Lol. I'd rather go to a garage sale hoping I'll find a pair of shoes that fit me that would probably only cost me about 25 cents. But I'm sure they will be so surprised and excited when they get those shoes. Hell, they're so much nicer than the Nike running shoes I got.

Kinda tired so I better hit the sack now.

Ciao.

A String Of Moments

2005-06-10T21:25:00.000-07:00

“Always remember… it’s the moment that counts,” my supervisor said as I was getting ready to leave work. I told her how interesting that she should mention that coz I just wrote an entry in my journal (paper not online) about life as being a string of moments. Then she added, “it’s the journey, not the destination.”

God, if I take these words seriously right now, that means my life is like the boy’s life in Paul Coelho’s book, “The Alchemist.” Everything happens for a reason. And why I am here at this job, and why she became my supervisor all happened for a reason. And she said those words to me, as if speaking directly to my heart to tell me that life is all about the moment.

So I shared to her what I wrote…

“A String of Moments”

Today I realized that for me to enjoy each to the fullest, I should look at life as a string of moments. Every moment is a bead that I put on my string. Some of them so uniquely beautiful while a few others are distorted yet they blend in perfect harmony with the rest. Those are the seemingly ugly beads I choose to keep because either they remind me of how strong I was at that moment and overcame whatever adversity it was . Or maybe I decided to keep it to remind me of some stupid mistake I made and to remind me to try not to make them again.

I realized that yes, this is what "living for the moment" is all about. It means taking time to gaze into your friend's eyes s she rants about a bad day at work and how small her paycheck is. It is about how sweet her smile is when she sees you. It is feeling the warmth of your loved one's hands and the soothing sound of his/her heartbeat as you lay your head on his/her chest. It's about hearing the excitement in your niece's voice and enjoying her worryfree laughter. It is about noticing the fleeting beauty of a flower just about to bloom. And the smile of a bride walking down the aisle.

Life is all about noticing the special gift that each moment brings. Every moment is a bead. And when you start looking at life like that, it would become a beautiful string of colorful beads - one beautiful string of moments - and in each bead you'll see a reason why you should smile and how special your life really is.

New Job

2005-06-09T23:53:00.000-07:00

My new job title terrifies me sometimes. I look at the paperwork I sign and it freaks me out to see that I am actually doing Therapy now. Yep, that’s what I do. Therapy. And I am working under the supervision of a licensed Psychologist and Psychiatrists. Pretty interesting job, I have to admit. But the responsibility that comes with it seems so enormous at the moment. Maybe because I just started about a week ago. Or maybe because clinical social work is something I’ve never really considered since college. But nevertheless, here I am, doing clinical social work. And this is as clinical as it could get.

A lot of the terms and acronyms sound so vague and at times they sound like Greek to me and yet they seem so familiar. I probably have encountered them back in school but it’s been 9 years since I got out of school. So it’s pretty challenging right now. Challenging but very, very interesting.

We’ll see how long it could keep my interest. But from the looks of it, I think it would interest me longer than I initially thought it would.

Key Elements to Happiness

2005-06-08T10:04:00.000-07:00

Something I got from work....

Key elements to happiness:

Control over your own life
Optimism
Religion
Involved in challenging jobs/hobbies
Close relationships

When one is stuck in a situation, one has four options:

Change
Make the best of it
Leave the situation
Be miserable

Job Etc..

2005-06-07T12:15:00.000-07:00

First 3 days at my new job was ok. Didn't really do that much since my trainer was on vacation. It was mostly introduction to coworkers, supervisors, reading the employee handbook and familiarizing myself with office policies. My supervisor took me out to lunch on my first day at a very nice CHinese Restaurant (Mandarin Style.)

2nd day was kinda like amazing race. I borrowed the restroom key from one of the doctoral interns so I could go get a copy for myself. Unfortunately, she didn't know where I can get keys made. So on my lunch hour, I ventured into streets of China Town to look for Thai Iced Tea and a key maker.

I had to ask a few places where to get a key copied. And it was like Amazing Race, coz of the language barrier. All the people I asked from didn't speak English and talked to me in Chinese! And all I could do was nod my head and head to the direction where they were pointing at. After about 30 minutes of aimless search for this shop that made keys, I finally found it! After trying to decipher store signs in all kinds of Chinese (Mandarin, Cantonese etc.) I finally got myself a copy of the bathroom key. Phew! I just realize how har dit must be to win the Amazing Race.

Yesterday was my 4th day on this job. And boy, it was busy as hell. My trainer was finally here and he's Filipino from Baguio City so he spoke Ilocano as well. He's a very nice guy and showed me a pic of him and his partner. We got down to business and reviewed charts, treatment plans etc. Right about lunchtime, my head started to hurt with all these new info. Information overload. After lunch, I had to sit dwon with my supervisor for supervision. I have weekly supervision which is really nice so I could discuss all my issues and questions with her. Then I had to go to a Team Meeting after supervision where we did updates, both business and personal.

Onthe 5th day of my new job, I ordered myself a copy of DSM-IV-TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) which according to my supervisor is the bible of my job. I have a copy sitting here at my office. Heck everybody in the office has one. But I want my own copy so I could read it at home and familiarize myself with diagnosis and blah blah blah. LOL

This going to be a challenging job and I'm lucky to have a new job I look forward to when I get up in the morning. Having a very mentally demanding job right now keeps me from focusing too much on other life's crap. It's all good though.

Ciao.

This Is It

2005-06-05T20:12:00.000-07:00

Reality that is. I tried to push it back as much and as long as I can. But now, there's nothing more I can do but face it. Face this reality that I've been trying so much to run away from.

D called me while I was sitting in a park. It was just me and a family there. They were playing football - mom, dad, boy and a little girl. Above their cheers and laughters, D told me he can't come see me tonight and that he is leaving tomorrow. He will start his 5-day road trip to Nashville for his new job.

I tried not to cry. I tried not to sob coz I didn't want him to hear me crying. Yes, I am happy for him. But I'm also sad. As I previously mentioned. But I couldn't help it. I cried. I cried like a little girl who's mother just left for a long trip. I cried like I never did before.

Happy and Sad

2005-06-04T21:58:00.000-07:00

D got the job at Sony in Nashville and I am so proud of him! Congatulations sweetheart! You deserve it! And that makes me really happy for D. Happy that his dreams are all coming true. And I can feel it in my heart that far greater things are yet to come for him.

But I can't also help but feel sad that he will be moving away soon. As soon as next week. And the reality of it hit me hard today. I tried to push the thought away into my subconscious but today, his soon departure is all I could think of. I tried not to cry last night when he was giving me his sweetest kisses. And I tried even harder not to let a tear fall when he kissed and hugged me before he left.

I sure am gonna miss him. I miss him already. Yet I am happy. I am happy that he is following his dream and it's becoming his reality. There is no greater happiness than knowing that the love of your life is living the life of fulfilled dreams.

I, too, was his dream. Last night, he said, I am his dream come true, the love of his life.

I know I am. And I will always be.

I love you D. And I am not afraid of whatever lies ahead. We've weathered things in the past. We have and we will again.

Again, congratulations on your new job. I'm proud of you babe and I will always be your greatest fan!

Indian Watchtower

2005-06-01T20:51:00.000-07:00

Photo by Waves.

A tower built at the end of the South rim. Climbing to the top of the tower was worth it. It gives you spectacular sweeping views of the Grand Canyon and the Colorado River and a glimpse of the mysteriously beautiful Painted Dessert.

Back!

2005-05-30T23:58:00.000-07:00

After driving 2,289 miles, I'm a little too exhausted to write anything or post pics but I am so relaxed and feeling much more ready to start my new job on Wednesday.

Pics coming up. :)

Road Trip Countdown

2005-05-26T13:20:00.000-07:00

Off to the Grand Canyon in 16 hours and 10 minutes.

Dr. House!

2005-05-26T11:43:00.000-07:00

I miss him already! Hahaha

Having a bad case of blogmania today, can you tell?

Here's the cast of House.

Weird Craving

2005-05-26T11:23:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here at my desk trying to finish up all the paperwork and suddenly I am so overwhelmed with craving pangs! I am craving for ice cream - and no, not just any ice cream. I am craving for Mais Con Queso flavor! :( I really want one right now!

I already checked Mitchell's Ice Cream parlor in San Francisco coz they make and serve ice cream in tropical flavors like Macapuno, Langka, Ube, Avocado, Halo-halo etc. but they don't have Mais Con Queso.

Well, fine! I can settle for cheese ice cream. Neve mind the mais (corn). Guys, any idea who makes cheese ice cream? I already checked Haagen Daaz and Dreyers but they don't make it. Waaaaah!

I am dying to eat cheese ice cream!

Carrie Won!

2005-05-26T00:10:00.000-07:00

Yay! I knew it! When AI got down to the last 10 contestants my prediction was it would either be Bo or Carrie. Personally, I was a fan of Carrie although I never voted for her. I just enjoyed the way she sings - so natural and like Simon put it, she does it effortlessly. Although I wouldn't mind buying a Bo album too. I'm sure he'll get signed with a major recording label. No doubt about it.

My Dream Car (for now)

2005-05-25T15:18:00.000-07:00

Picture from MB website.

The Mercedes Benz SL600.

Awesome features:

a 493 horsepower twin-turbocharged V-12 engine.
Distronic - The Distronic Adaptive Cruise Control is the world's first adaptive cruise control. A radar sensor in the grille can pinpoint the location of a moving car ahead of you!!! Distronic can automatically adjust the throttle - and even apply up to 20% of the car's braking power - to help you maintain the following distance you have selected.
Keyless Go - lets you lock and unlock your vehicle and start and stop the engine, without using a key. A transponder located in the SmartKey identifies you, allowing you to unlock the door simply by touching the handle and start your vehicle's engine at the touch of a button.
Parktronic - The Parktronic audio-visual parking assistance system, which uses sound waves to detect nearby obstacles, helps you maneuver in tight spaces at parking speeds. Audio-visual indicators on the dashboard and rear cabin ceiling alert you to the proximity and direction of objects that might be outside your line of sight, taking some of the guesswork out of parking.
Tire-Pressure Monitoring System
The optional onboard tire-pressure monitoring system lets you check tire pressure from the driver's seat. It monitors the air pressure of the four mounted tires and alerts you via the in-dash message center if any tire is not within a specified range.

This is my dream car with all the added accessories for a whopping $159,930!!!!! Wooohoooo!

Ahhhhh. It's fun to dream. I actually saw one on the Bay Bridge the other day. Lucky him to be able to afford such car.

Someday. Maybe. Tomorrow... if I win the lottery. :)

Been Busy Lately

2005-05-25T14:42:00.000-07:00

I've been kinda busy lately - busy getting ready for my new job, planning an upcoming short road trip with my mom and making sure everything is taken cared of at my current job before I leave.

I went shopping for some new work clothes the other day coz I need to upgrade my wardrobe for this new job. Good thing Old Navy clearance racks were full of great stuff I could actually wear in the office. And it was amazing how quick I found my size!I got a few pants that were originally $34 for an amazing $6! How cool is that! I also grabbed a $40 dollar skirt for half the price. I'm not really a skirt type of a woman but this particular one I fell in love with. So I thought, what the hell, just this time. Just once. Hehehe. When I got to the cash register, the cashier said, "Somebody looks like they need a whole closet of pants!" LOL. Well, she was exaggerating but I bought way more than what I would need, I think. But I was thinking it would be nice to let 3 weeks pass and not worry about laundry. Now, I need to seriously go shopping for some nicer tops. Ones that are on sale, of course.

I've also booked all the hotels for our road trip already. Also booked a rental car since my car just reached it's 100,000th mile mark and no matter how loyal my car was to me in the past, I would never take her through the Mojave Desert all the way to the Painted Desert in Arizona and back to Death Valley again. Once is enough. So I booked a Chevy Malibu which should be a pretty comfortable ride. I wanted a Mustang but they were all sold out. I had to choose between a Toyota Solara and a Malibu but I went for the Malibu coz it's actually a lot roomier. Although it kinda sucks coz the Malibu's engine is a v6 and it will seriously put a dent in my gas budget. I actually requested a Corolla but they were sold out of the Corolla's too so I had to go for the Malibu. Oh well.

Bought new batteries for my mom's camera as well. The Nimh rechargeable ones. She's been complaining a lot lately about spending too much on batteries so I decided to buy her the rechargeable ones with a wall and car charger. I'm sure she'll appreciate the thought.

So I'm almost ready for this road trip. It's been a while since I've been on one so this is gonna be something that I would really enjoy too. We will be heading to Arizona on Friday so my mom can experience the grandeur of one of the Seven Wonders of the World: The Grand Canyon. Then we will probably explore Sedona, the Painted Dessert and if we have enough time, we might go visit the Petrified Forest National Park too. We will then head to Utah to visit Bryce Canyon National Park and Zion National Park too if we have the time. Then we'll head to Vegas so she can see how it's like to be in Sin City. Hehehe. I'm sure she will love it. Two things I like about Vegas: the Fountains of Bellagio and buffets!!!!!!!

On our way back, we'll probably go through Death Valley and explore a little bit. Gotta drop her off by midnight on Monday so this road trip won't be too long. But I'm sure she will enjoy every miute of it. She's only been to the Northern part of California and I know she will so surprised to see a totally different landscape once we get to the dessert. Oh, gotta remind her not to bring warm clothes. It sure will be hot in Arizona and Vegas.

So that's about it. Last few days of my life in a nutshell. Plus episodes of American Idol and House. I watched the season finale of House last night and damn, it's getting really, really good. I love his character so much that it made me so sad to watch the season finale. What am I gonna do with my Tuesday nights now? No more American Idol. No more House - not until the fall season. Gaaaaaah. I guess it's something to look forward to.

Okay. Gotta print out directions for our trip now before it slips my mind. I picked up maps of California, Nevada, Arizona, Utah, Colorado and New Mexico from the AAA office last Friday but I'd rather print out a mapquest point-to-point direction. Maps are soooooo 19th century. LOL. Maybe someday, when I'm rich enough to buy me a Mercedes SL600 with navigation system I won't have to bother printing directions anymore.

More updates on our road trip next week. :)

Long Overdue

2005-05-24T22:42:00.000-07:00

Here's my long overdue Congratulations to my cousin Jay-R. :) Congratulations in making it to the Philippine Military Academy! Good job in acing the entrance test and you did great going through all that freakin bureaucracy and red tape.

Congrats and hang in there! Promise I'll come home to attend your graduation. :)

"Hand In My Pocket"

2005-05-21T23:36:00.000-07:00

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign
I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
And what it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab

by Alanis Morisette

Grrrrrrrrrr

2005-05-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

Why do I get stuck behind every slow moving car and humongous truck when I am late for work? It happens almost all the time. I hit all the red lights about 5 blocks away from my work too!

Shit.

That's it for now. Gotta start working.

Tuesday Night

2005-05-17T23:12:00.000-07:00

Tuesday nights are usually spent with D. We went to Naan n Curry for dinner and had my favorite Indian drink Mango Lassi. We also had Chicken Tikka Masala, Biryani and Naan. We were so lucky to get street parking right across the restaurant too coz it's almost impossible to find parking around that area. But tonight, we were lucky enough.

Earlier today, I realized the worth of a quarter. I had to go to a meeting in downtown and I knew I had to park on the street by a parking meter. Got a spot (I was lucky) and fished for changed in my pocket to feed the meter. Unfortunately I only had 75 cents. I freakin need at least a dollar worth of change. So I checked every hiding spot and crevices of my car desperately hoping to find a quarter. I was so out of luck. I kept looking, even looked in the trunk as I was keeping an eye on the street for an approaching parking meter enforcement officer. I'm not actually sure what you call 'em - I think they're called meter maid.

Well, I gave up. Not a single quarter in my car. Good thing I spotted one of my Filipino coworkers crossing the street. Ate Melinda was headed to the meeting too. So I gave her a dollar bill in exchange for a quarter. Thank God I spotted her. If not, I probably would have just left my car there and get a parking ticket. So, yup, I was thinking, shit, a quarter is worth a lot when you really need it.

I also booked a hotel for my upcoming trip to Arizona with my mom.

So that's about it for today. I got a couple of movies from blockbuster to but those have to wait until tomorrow. I feel so relaxed and content I am ready to fall asleep.

Night.

My Element

2005-05-16T15:11:00.000-07:00

Your Element Is Water

A bit of a contradiction, you can seem both lighthearted and serious. That's because you're good at going with the flow - but you also are deep.

Highly intuitive, you tune in to people's emotions and moods easily. You are able to tap into deep emotional connections and connect with others.

You prefer a smooth, harmonious life - but you can navigate your way around waves. You have a knack for getting people to get along and making life a little more peaceful.

What's Your Element?

Sunday Ballgame

2005-05-15T21:16:00.000-07:00

Oakland A's vs. New York Yankees

More details on my next entry.

Kite Flying

2005-05-14T16:59:00.000-07:00

by the San Francisco Bay in Berkeley.

My Kite

2005-05-14T16:48:00.000-07:00

Here's a pathetic picture of my kite. My second kite actually. I wanted to post a picture of my first kite, "The Dragon" but I don't have it in my laptop and I'm too lazy to get up and go to my desktop. So here's a not-so-good picture of my second kite which I absolutely love. It was so fun flying it today. Winds were strong and it was hard to control it with one hand while I was trying to snap a picture.

But here it is. My precious kite... bought from a garage sale this morning. Sssssssh.

New XBOX Unveiled!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-05-13T17:05:00.000-07:00

They unveiled the new XBOX 360 yesterday!

Those are faceplates for the Power Button of the new Xbox 360. They're not just buttons but they have a memory inside that contains "skins" so when you snapped it into the Power Button it will automatically change the skin of the Xbox screen.

The XBOX 360 will also have High Definition output!

I can't wait! Gotta start saving up money for this sucker when it comes out in November.